tulpenpink

Damsons. And an admission.

2011-12-11T15:05:00.000Z

We got loads of Damsons/Plums this year, and they were delicious! I made some damson compote, too, we use it in our porridge, on pancakes, bread... And I froze some and put some into jars...

We gave lots of them away to friends, and there are still a good few on the tree, a real bumper harvest! It's been a real fruit year, so we got to eat lots of delicious fruit that we'd never have bought in the shops (fruit are quite expensive here). Redcurrants, gooseberries, tiny strawberries, blackberries and plums did well, our cherry tree had all of four cherries, three of which were eaten by the birds!

...This post has been half written for a good two months! I have been finding it very hard lately, just getting through the day and putting dinner on the table. I've been diagnosed with osteoporosis, lost yet more weight and am still nursing my gorgeous boy, I feel very, very drained! I haven't really written anything, or knit or made. Ti is crawling and cruising and Emm is her usual energetic self, and sometimes not as kind as I'd like, to her little brother, so 100% attention at all times is required, then in the evening I seem to catch up with housework and paperwork and then fall into bed or stare at the TV for an hour. I might have to take a break from blogging!

I know there are a few of you that read my few and far between posts, stay tuned I hope to be back when the childrearing has become a little easier, or when I'm back to work! Lunchbreaks and commutes should facilitate some writing!

moving furniture...

2011-11-11T16:21:00.001Z

playdate

2011-10-14T23:43:00.001+01:00

Here the girls are 'camping' in the garden, with sofa cushions,
crochet blankets and a lot of teddies.

nature tray

2011-09-16T23:14:00.001+01:00

Today we played with and arranged the treasures from yesterday's
'nature walk'. Emm had fun, I think! So glad we got that walk in
yesterday, when we had glorious sunshine, today has been terrible, it
was bucketing down!

Afternoon on the beach

2011-07-23T23:12:00.001+01:00

a few hours of sand and sunshine

less than a week...

2011-07-23T00:38:00.001+01:00

then myself and the kids will be off to Germany! I'm feeling weird about it, we're going for five weeks this time! P was supposed to get two weeks of work to come along towards the end, but now it looks like he can only get one. We'll really be missing him!

It's weird leaving the house behind for five weeks, too, here I am struggling every day to keep the place tidy, and as clean as necessary, and to cook nutritious tasty meals, and to carve out as much time as possible for cuddles and playing. To go home to stay in the little apartment attached to my parents' house, a bedroom, bathroom and sitting room, no kitchen! With virtually no cleaning or cooking and in theory endless time to spend with my kids and family, but in practice there'll be a bit of a struggle between my mum and me, her trying to be my mum and do it all, and me trying to be a good daughter and try and do as much as I can... It was a bit like this two years ago (less so last year as all day morning sickness, a stomach bug and crazy hot weather had me weak as a kitten most of the time!). I love my parents to bits, yet to actually be under their roof for an extended period of time always turns out to be much more idyllic in my head. But coming home for five weeks is something I feel I owe my parents, a chance to get to know their grandchildren. And for Ti and Emm to play with their cousins, and to make a connection to their mum's country and language. I'll be able to do it this year and next, and then my break will be over!

I am looking forward to it though, especially as my sister is due a baby at the end of next week!

This weekend will be outings, and takeout, and I will try and fill the freezer with some more nice dinners on Monday and Tuesday, so my poor abandoned husband won't be eating frozen pizzas every night! And then I have to pack the suitcase and nappy bag, and mentally prepare to flying with a toddler and a baby (It was hard enough last year, with just Emm, this time I have two, and Ti has just started solids, and found his voice, and using it to screech and shout a lot!

There's also the Neurology appointment for him, on Tuesday, I have some niggling concerns about his development, but am hoping it's all within the range of normal. It's a routine check up appointment because of his 'abnormal eye movements' in March. Thankfully those have disappeared since the last check up, but it just made me a lot more aware of any possible problems...

the garden

2011-07-12T22:42:00.002+01:00

Reading this I was longing for a farm, and a serious vegetable garden (and proper summers!).

We're not serious gardeners and put very little work in, but our tiny 30x30ft garden grows lavender, rosemary, thyme, oregano, chives, parsley, sage and bay; damsons, cherries (about 10 cherries on the tree this year, 9 eaten by birds, one shared excitedly!) gooseberries (green and red), elderberries, blackberries, redcurrants, some alpine strawberries and rhubarb. There's also a small vegetable patch with potatoes, pak choi, garlic, swiss chards, radishes and a few different kinds of beans. Only enough for a little taste, but fun, nonetheless. We have flowers, too, lilac, marigolds, nasturtiums, mexican orange blossom, giant daisies. On this little patch of garden we also have a two ducks, a small duckhouse, a shed, a lawn, two clothes lines, a pebbled path and a wood chipped patio, a few chairs, a bench, a small table, a swing seat and a little slide for Emm.

Sometimes I crave the serene tidiness of other peoples landscaped gardens, but then, I love being out in ours! Pulling the odd weed, feeding the ducks, hanging out the laundry, looking for a little contribution to dinner... And while some of our friends have lots of brightly coloured toys in their little outdoor space, Emm seems to always find something to do in ours! Looking for eggs, and berries, examining pebbles and plants, drawing with chalk, having picnics, sliding, driving her little car and loading up the trailer, playing with a bowl of water and some cups...

It's our connection to nature, unusual and a little messy, but fun, and relaxing, and ours!

visiting the grandparents

2011-07-10T22:26:00.001+01:00

We're back from a nice and relaxed visit with the grandparents, to
admire the new 6pd 4oz girl cousin, and to see off P's brother, who is
going to Canada for a year.The kids had such a great time again, they
love each other so much! Emm's two big cousins were fighting over who
got to sit next to her, for every meal! We're hoping to have the two
of them over for a sleepover next week, to give their parents and tiny
new sister a little babymoon time.

Emm's birthday present for her little friend

2011-07-06T22:51:00.002+01:00

This was a last minute project. Emm drew on coloured paper with her favourite pencils ('Stabilo 3-in-1') then we printed some photos from a playdate (using a polaroid 'pogo' printer) and stuck them on. She picked some decorations and sparkly bits and we stuck them onto the picture, and onto an IKEA 'NITTYA' frame.
Her friend shouted "I love it, I love it!" when she unwrapped it.
Happy faces all round!

freshly picked recurrants

2011-06-29T21:16:00.002+01:00

playdate

2011-06-29T21:13:00.001+01:00

Emm's getting to the age where playdates are starting to slowly go
from really hard work to a pleasure to watch!

Emm's arrival

2011-06-18T10:46:00.000+01:00

I was searching my blog and realised I hadn't posted Emm's birth story before! Thankfully I still had it saved in an email, so here it is!

This is the story of my 4 hour labour, using TENS and 'gas and air', no epidural. During pregnancy I listened to a relaxation CD, did antenatal yoga and generally tried to stay as positive as possible! one of the things I kept telling myself was that I was going to go a few days early and have a quick and easy labour, and it worked!

The last week before my due date I was getting quite fed up with being pregnant, and started to go for long walks, and to 'hang' over my gym ball while watching DVDs. 5 days before the due date I got a pedicure, cheery bright pink toenails. I went for a walk, had a green thai curry, a small glass of red wine and a relaxing bath and went to bed really relaxed, although i didn't sleep well as thoughts of my whole life changing soon went through my head.

I woke up at 3.30am with wet knickers, but there wasn't a big puddle or anything, so i wasn't on high alert, i went to the bathroom for a wee and at that point i realised that maybe this was really it! deciding not to panic just yet i went back to bed, but soon felt another little bit of liquid, so got up again and put in a sanitary pad. i woke my husband, who sleepily said that i might want to call the midwives, which i did. we called them around 4, i think, they asked did i have contractions and when i said no i was advised to come in at 8 in the morning to get checked out. my husband went back to sleep, and i tried to do the same, but was too excited. after a while i started to notice contractions. i went for a shower and they were getting stronger. i found the hot shower really good for the contractions.

When i came out i phoned the midwives again, and they said to come in at eight unless i found the contractions hard to cope with or they come regularly for about 2 hours. i asked my husband to get the TENS machine, which unfortunately we hadn't looked at before! there were quite a few different modes and levels on it, but after a while we figured out the two for contractions and in between contractions, and i used them at level one.

At some point i got sick, but i didn't bring up any food, just liquid. i found sitting on the toilet to be comfortable, i actually thought i needed to go, but in hindsight that was probably the pressure from the baby's head! the other position i liked was on my knees, i knelt in front of the bed and also on an armchair. my husband offered me the relaxation CDs but i didn't want them, i was too busy breathing deeply and staying calm! i tried to remember as much as i could from my antenatal yoga classes, while reciting some of the affirmations from the CD in my head.

I don't remember actual times, but i know by half 6 i found it harder to cope with the contractions. i tried to find a comfortable position and found on my knees, rocking my pelvis, to be good, i spent some time kneeling on one of the armchairs, holding on to the back of it. i also tried hanging onto my husband, the smell of his jumper really calmed me down and made me feel safe, but i was too conscious of being heavy and didn't want to lean on him too much. i sent him around the house to throw the last few things into my hospital bag, get a towel for the car seat and to hurry. we phoned the hospital to say we were coming in and finally were ready to go at 7.

Luckily we were going against morning traffic! i don't remember much about the drive, except, a morcheeba CD playing, using the TENS machine and an unplanned stop. after hearing all the stories of people arriving in hospital being told that those pains were nothing yet, i didn't want to go too high up on the TENS settings, i stuck to 1 and 2 while we were in the car. on the motorway my husband started asking about exits, but i was kind of busy breathing through my contractions, so i couldn't help him! he took one exit too early, but that was OK, as the pressure was getting so strong, i had to get off the seat! i got him to pull over and i got on my knees in front of the passenger seat, leaning with my arms on the seat. the urge to push was getting really strong but i remembered about panting, thank god, and got busy doing that, while my husband made his way through the town. i was getting a little worried about how strong the contractions were but felt quite calm and sure that everything was going OK.

We got to the hospital and my husband drove right up to the hospital entrance, in between two contractions i got out of the car and he went off to park it (thankfully they let him park only a few meters away). I got just about through the double doors and the next contraction hit and i was on my hands and knees panting and groaning. it was about half 7 and some midwives were arriving for their shift, they asked 'are you all right?' and i said 'i need to get to the maternity ward!' they were really quick and got me a wheelchair and i was being whisked away to the elevators. At this point I was using the 3rd out of the 5 TENS machine settings. we got out at the normal delivery ward and when i saw the sign on the door i shouted 'sorry, no, MLU please!' back we went to the elevator, where my husband had now arrived as well.

In the MLU i got out of the wheelchair and onto the bed, again on my hands and knees (lying on my back just didn't occur to me!), and a midwife examined me. She declared me 9 cm and i was just so glad that this was really labour! She also listened to the baby's heart beat, which was going strong. There was no time to fill the lovely big bath tub. The midwives got a birthing mat and a bean bag out, and i leaned on the bean bag rotating my hips like i'd learned in yoga class, and keeping my voice in the lower registers, again a tip from my yoga teacher and from the book 'ina may's guide to childbirth'. I asked for gas and air, and loved it! especially as the TENS machine stopped working when one ofthe patches came loose on my back! instead of relief it was delivering little shocks! i don't know how many more contractions there were, but it all happened quite fast. a midwive said 'we're gonna see this baby real soon'. The pushing lasted about 20 minutes, i think that's what it said in my notes. It wasn't so much that I was pushing, it was more my womb pushing the baby out, there was nothing i could do to stop it and nothing i could have done to make the pushing stronger, i was just doing my groaning and lowing and breathing the gas and air! i felt a burning sensation and the head was born, a full head of dark hair. with the next push (i don't know exactly, to be honest, but it all went very fast) she was coming out kicking and screaming and she was bright pink (apgar scores 10)! She was 6 pounds 7 ounces (2.920 kg) and born at 8.20 am.

my little one was rubbed dry and i turned around and she was put on my chest. I had requested to let the cord stop pulsating before cutting it (even reminded the midwife about 'expectently managed third stage' in between pushes) but there was some confusion because of my negative rhesus factor and I got the injection! I wasn't too happy about this, but I probably would have needed the injection anyways, as I had a little bleed. The placenta was delivered soon after. I had a 2nd degree tear and a doctor (the first gynae i saw during the whole pregnancy!) came to do the stitches. I was on the bed for those, with a blanket over me and my little girl, to keep us warm, and a midwife helped me put her to my breast. I held on to the gas and air for the stitches, and i got a second injection because the bleed hadn't quite stopped.

When the gynae was finished with the stitches, I got some lovely tea and toast, and then, while my husband held our daughter, i went for a nice hot shower and after that my husband and i spent the next few hours looking at our gorgeous daughter in wonder!

these are the things that i think worked for me:
- antenatal yoga
- relaxation CD ('gentlebirth')
- staying calm and relaxed during labour
- staying leaning forward during labour
- hot shower
- TENS
- gas and air
- being on my hands and knees for the pushing stage
- making all the sounds i felt i needed to make, no matter how silly they might sound
- trusting my body to do its thing

Ti's arrival

2011-06-05T00:12:00.005+01:00

I finally finished writing his birth story, although, four and a half months on, a lot of the fine detail is already blurry.

In the last week before birth, I often caught P looking at me funny, and often when I said 'I'm 38 weeks, that could mean it'll be another 4 weeks before we meet the baby!' he'd answer 'I think it'll be a matter of days, rather than weeks.' Apparently my behaviour changed, and I'd often be a bit 'spaced', sometimes I'd flush and complain about the heat in the room quite suddenly, and there were increasingly vivid nightmares and dreams.

In the last days before Ti's arrival I crossed the last few important things off my mental to do list, like doing the pediatric first aid course I'd signed up for, spending a fun day with Emm, and getting her feet measured, and I realised I felt ready and calm now (even though I still had about 2 weeks to go to the due date). Instead of cleaning and tidying, which was badly needed, I curled up on the sofa with the laptop, and wrote shopping lists and updated the document I'd written for who would end up minding Emm while we were going to Hospital, and printed the labour document that my yoga teacher from the last pregnancy had written. We went to bed quite late, but even so, I decided to put on the hypnobirthing tracks and listen to them as I went to sleep. I woke up when it was already on the last track, the relaxation music, and switched it off. Straight back to sleep I had some more vivid dreams.

Around a quarter past three Emm. woke up and I got out of bed to bring her back to hers and lift her in. As I got up from kneeling in front of her bed I felt a trickle of fluid. I went to the bathroom and was pretty sure my waters had started to go! I spent half an hour getting pads, checking everything was in the hospital bag and reading the TENS machine instructions, and plugging in the cables. As there still was no sign of contractions I went back to bed, too excited to really sleep but wisely getting some rest while I could

At 4.25 I felt a tiny contraction, with a little gush of fluid, and knew it was time to act. I woke P, and called the midwives 5 minutes later. They said to come in, but not to rush or panic. P and I debated whether we should call my neighbour straight away and decided to wait till five, unless I got contractions beforehand. He had a shave, and I a wash (I didn't want to risk a shower as that had really kick started my contractions the last time, and we did want to be sure to make it in time!) We got the bags downstairs, and got Emm's buggy and nappy bag ready.

At 5, just as I'd called my neighbour to come over, I got another bit of fluid, and just before she arrived 15 minutes later, I got the first contraction! I stayed kneeling on a pillow, leaning over my birth ball. My brilliantly efficient neighbour made us some tea and toast while P put the TENS machine pads on my back and put the bags and some towels into the car. I got to grips with the TENS settings and plugged my headphones in, for the hypnobirthing tracks on my phone. We had a little chat about Emm and what she would make of it all, and she reassured me that labour and birth would go just fine. Just as P and I were about to get into the car, around half six, Emm woke up! We said good bye and told her where we were headed and that she would go across the road for a play date. She was alright with it all, even though we could tell she found it all very confusing, being let out of the house in her pyjamas while it was pitch dark outside!

I started to get very irritable in the car, but the half hour journey passed quickly while I concentrated on the contractions and listened to the gentlebirth tracks. Outside the hospital I got out at the door while P parked the car. I stood and waited when a porter asked if I needed a wheelchair. I was being all polite saying 'No thanks, I'm fine' when the next contraction arrived and I quickly changed my mind. By the time P got back to me I already sat in a wheelchair, feeling rather fragile!

When we arrived at the birthing room I got even more irritated, realising the nurse I didn't like and the midwife that annoyed me both were on duty. She asked to examine me, (The examination was worse than any of the contractions) and said I was only 3 cm dilated and the baby was with its back to my back. I got up from the lying down position as soon as I was allowed, I seem to not be able to bear lying down on my back when I'm in labour. I started to get a little worried at this point. With Emm I'd arrived in hospital 9 cm dilated and didn't feel much different to now! How would I cope with hours and hours of contractions this strong?

Back labour can take a long time, so I sent P off to find cheaper parking for the car, and worried some more about how long this labour was going to last. The midwife asked lots of questions and she was a bit hard of hearing, so I had to repeat myself, I was getting more and more irritable. Thankfully P came back soon. I got to kneel / sit on my feet on the bed, starting to feel unbearably hot, and getting dizzy. P helped me to the bathroom to go for a wee, and i was starting to feel sick on top of dizzy. The contractions were coming quite regularly, I'm not sure how far apart, maybe 3 minutes? My TENS machine was still doing its job.

I wanted to use the beanbags and mat, so the midwives had all this set up by the time I came back into the room. (This must have been around 8, as that is when they change shifts, so there were several midwives) I leaned sideways on a beanbag for a few contractions, feeling very dizzy and spaced in between. The cables of TENS machine and headphones were annoying me, and at some point I handed P the phone and headphones.

The midwives asked did I want gas and air and a few times I said 'No, it's too early, I'll try to wait', turning up the TENS machine a little and breathing as calmly as I could, very much in my own head and taking very little notice of anything around me, coping well with the contractions

I thought I was going to be sick and P handed me a bowl, but I didn't bring anything up.

Then I felt a very strong contraction, where I moaned loudly and asked for the gas and air. I turned to a sitting position, leaning back into the beanbag. I felt a strong urge to push. I sucked the gas and air. The midwives said 'you can push now', I said 'but you said I'm only 3cm! It's too early' They assured me I was OK. I wanted to turn to kneel and lean on the beanbag, but I somehow couldn't and stayed sitting.

I kept very calm and breathed deeply and let the baby come down with the next few contractions, taking gas and air with each. I never held my breath, just breathed. I felt the burning sensation and blew out the air gently and breathed slowly, and the head was born, and with the next contraction my little boy was out! At 8.15, pink and screaming, and clean like just out of the bath! The midwives dried him off a little and put him on my belly. After the cord had finished pulsing they clamped it, and the proud dad got to cut the cord. I brought my baby boy up to my breast and after a minute or so he started to suckle. The contractions were quite painful, and the placenta came out soon, no oxitocin shot needed.

Like I'd been warned, the afterpains were much more painful than with my first birth! I held on to the gas and air for a bit, and especially for when the midwife checked for tears. Thankfully I just had some superficial grazes and a small first degree tear, and needed no stitches. They said I did really well, and asked if I did yoga. (I had only done 5 or so yoga classes this time around, but still remembered a lot from my last pregnancy, and I think the gentlebirth CDs helped a lot, too) I remember being told that I was 'very controlled, breathing the baby down very controlled and gently'. The student midwife was especially enthusiastic and looked really happy.

I spent a long time leaning back into the bean bag, my husband holding my hand, my boy cuddled close to me, him drinking, then sleeping, then drinking again. We had a blanket over him to keep us warm. At some point I was getting too uncomfortable and asked to go to the bed. P took our boy and put a nappy and clothes on him. A midwife weighed him, 7pds 4 oz!

Seeing the clean sheets on the bed I decided to have a shower first, and it was great to have the shower room ensuite. I stayed in the shower for as long as I could, but my legs started to feel tired after a while, so I quickly dried off, put clean clothes on and got into bed. A nurse brought tea and toast, and apart from the breathtakingly painful afterpains I was quite chipper and awake! I finally took the nurses up on the offer of painkillers, as I still had to 'breathe through' each contraction.

It took P and me a good while to decide on the name, as we had a shortlist, and had to look at him, and try out the names, before we were sure which one was right. As he looked so wise and thoughtful we decided on Tadhg (poet). It was lovely to have the hour, or was it more, with naked little Ti on my belly straight after the birth, we were very much left in peace by the staff.

What could have been better?

- The midwife examining me should have given me a choice of how I wanted to be examined, I wouldn't be surprised if I had been more than 3cm when I arrived, and tightened up a little when I had to lie back and endure the painful examination. When I arrived at the hospital for Emm's birth I already had a strong urge to push and just didn't lie down but knelt on all fours on the bed, and that hadn't been painful.

- Being told that I was 3cm sent me into a bit of a panic, as I'd felt further along before, and worried about many hours ahead of me, with the baby facing the wrong way, too. I think I would have done better if I hadn't known, and maybe quicker, too. I very much felt in transition shortly after the exam, so I'm slightly doubtful if I really was only 3cm dilated.

It also worried me when so soon after I was told to push, because that number was still going through my mind. It might have helped if I had been reassured that I could be dilating very fast and that indeed I should allow myself to bear down.

- Being asked lots of questions by a midwife that's a good two or three meters away, repeatedly, because she can't hear the answers, is very irritating for a labouring woman. A hearing aid, coming closer, or waiting for my husband would have helped. A lot of those questions could have been answered by my husband.

- There was no shower head, and while i was able to 'hose myself down' with hot water, a proper shower would have been so much better! Apparently it's some new regulation to do with legionars' disease...

What was good?

I was privileged, not many women in Ireland get the choice to have this kind of birth, and I'm greatful to have had access to the great 'Midwifery Led Unit'.

- a healthy baby boy with not a scratch on him, knowing he arrived gently and with noboby pulling at him

- being able to stay in the one room, for labour, birth and afterwards. I can't imagine how painful and stressful it must be to move to a different ward to give birth when contractions are so close together, and then to move again afterwards.

-being able to move around and chose my positions

-TENS, gentlebirth, and some gas and air towards the end

-knowing my husband wasn't going to be upset with me being irritable!

-being able to breathe the baby down gently, and getting no tears!

-my wishes regarding cord clamping, cutting and third stage management being respected this time.

about 45 min old

about 12 hours old

about 36 hours old and home with his sister

I love this view!

2011-06-01T21:44:00.000+01:00

Picnic

2011-06-01T21:35:00.000+01:00

Mandarin Chocolate Roll

2011-05-29T23:56:00.000+01:00

Yeah, I haven't quite got the hang of making swiss rolls, this is not the first time I ended up with a chocolate circle! ...filled with freshly whipped unsweetened cream and tinned mandarins, my favourite of all the swiss roll type cakes. With cream cakes I usually have black coffee, even though I usually take milk, it's just perfect to cut through the creaminess and richness. Emm loves all the German cakes, too, as you can see, my mum makes sure of her getting a taste of all the best cakes, when we're over.

Health updates, Emm and Ti both had EUAs and FAs 3 weeks ago, Ti needed more laser, the consultant said he has avascular areas all around the retina, the areas they lasered the first time had calmed down, but the other areas that they hadn't really looked at, before, had started to produce abnormal bloodvessels. They couldn't really see his retinas properly because he was scrunching his eyes closed and moving his head at the follow up 1 week ago, but they said there were no 'dramatic' changes or leaking. We'll now have to hope and wait for the next EUA at the beginning of July

Emm had a visiting teacher over, who was just lovely. There was no help or encouragement from the hospital, but I gathered lots of information online and contacted the NCBI who've been great. The teacher said that Emm is coping really well with the vision she has, and that with close up work, it hasn't held her back at all. She called her pleasant and lovely and all sorts of nice things and said several times that she's doing really well for her age. She showed me some games that I can play with Emm to help her practice depth perception, which her eyes don't give her. I'm glad she's doing so well, the more she can learn and understand now, the better, because if there is more damage to her eye sight in the future that's going to be hard for her and might slow her development then. And her goodnaturedness might suffer, too, if she gets frustrated and upset with sightloss.

We've settled into routines with Ti, but he still hasn't shown any inclination to feed at certain times, it's different every few days. He does sleep most of the evenings and nights, most days, which is great. His 'abnormal eye movements' have calmed down dramatically, as have his episodes of crying and arching his back, we're hoping it'll stay that way. He is 'pukier' now, but doesn't seem to be as bothered by his stomach. He's a happy little fella most of the time, and very strong, and putting on plenty of weight.

I've looked into donating milk to the milk bank in Irvinestown, which serves all of Ireland, but the amount of milk required worries me, I don't get as much milk when I express, this time around. It would take me a long time to get the required amount of bottles, and our freezer is so small... Now if we were to get a big freezer to put into the shed, that would make it easier, but I don't know if that's going to happen this year. It would mean leading electricity to the shed, and ideally, building a little side roof to the house to store the bikes, to actually make space in the shed, and there are so many other things we'd like to/have to spend our money on.

We had a lovely relaxed weekend this week.
Yesterday I went to the shops (on my own!) and bought a wetsuit for Emm in TKMaxx, in anticipation of better weather, and a cute little dress by 'me too' for a tenner, and baby presents for 2 little girls. It was great to have a little time to myself, I just wish I hadn't spent so much of it buying groceries and household things and clothes for kids. My idea was to just go and get the paper, and read it in starbucks, but I new that wouldn't happen once I was there, too much temptation to shop. (I also have this idea in my head that I want an eReader, not sure why as I hardly ever get time to read! The visiting teacher was mentioning them, and how great it is to be able to change the font size, so I looked at some of them) In the evening P was out, and I brought the kids along to a friend's house, where we had an impromptu dinner party with 3 moms and 6 children. We'd all brought some food, the kids entertained each other and we got to sit down at the grown up table and have a chat and some simple but lovely food, and a little glass of sauvignant blanc.
Today I was supposed to get a sleep in, but didn't get any extra sleep, I'm not good at going back to sleep after being awake for a good 40 minutes, feeding, changing nappies and entertaining Ti while P got Emm dressed, and especially not if there's lots of noise downstairs! P's much better he hardly wakes up to mind T while I get Emm ready...
As Emm was not going to sleep for her nap ("I'm not going to my bed, ever again!") we put the two of them in the buggy and went for a sunny windy walk, and then into the car, to the shopping centre for P to get a new jacket (another success in TKMaxx!) and to have some Piri Piri chicken for an early dinner. By the time we got home, Emm was so tired, she watched one episode of 'Humf' and then went upstairs, even though another one was starting!

If she's tired she'll often say 'I'm not tired' while heading for the stairs. Or 'I don't want to go to bed' while willingly getting into her PJs and running ahead to the bathroom to brush her teeth, she's so funny!

Cupcakes from the Primrose Bakery

2011-04-14T13:14:00.000+01:00

I borrowed this book from a friend, who is famous for her delicious cupcakes. I made the vanilla cupcakes, with vanilla icing (dyed pink, just for fun) and they really are divine! Very moist and dense, yet light sponge, and the icing went down very well with Emm, as you can see from her plate. I found it a little too sweet myself, the icing calls for milk, which I think might mean it needs more sugar. I usually do a buttercream icing with just butter, the flavour ingredient, and sugar, and I stop adding sugar when the consistency seems right. I'll have to experiment with the icing a little more, but the cake recipe went straight into my cookbook. (I have a handwritten one, where I add only recipes that really work for me, and that we like. Whenever I give a cookbook to charity or pass it on to a friend, I check it first for favourites, and copy them into my book).
The amounts of batter and icing didn't quite work for me, I had too much cake batter for 12 cupcakes, maybe my bun cases are smaller than standard cupcake cases. I only made half the icing, and it was more than enough! The leftovers were lovely spread on toast the next day...

How cool are these?

2011-04-13T23:56:00.002+01:00

I know, this blog is all over the place, on one hand there's all the scary stuff about the children's health, on the other there's us trying to have a life that's not defined by that. So, we're getting on with trying to speed up appointments, filling in forms, reading up on the next possible complications, but also going to the beach, flying kites, playing hide and seek with Emm, cooing at Ti, P going swimming, me signing up for the mini marathon in June and starting to go out for run-walks (a minute of running and then walking until I have my breath back!). I'd love to find a yoga class that fits into our schedule.

One of the many things on today's to do list was to buy stamps, and I discovered these!

http://www.irishstamps.ie/shop/p-968-stamp-set.aspx

Orla Kiely stamps!! How cool are these! Definitely cheering me up.

more health worries

2011-04-01T18:26:00.002+01:00

Ti and I spent a week in the childrens' hospital, our GP sent us straight to A&E when I brought him in because of strange flickering eye movements. A&E was hell, it really is a flawed system, where a baby with suspected seizures is sent to A&E instead of straight to the neurology department, to spend 6 hours on a ward with puking and coughing children. A&E was so full that some parents had to stand, balancing their children on their hip while a doctor would examine them! In the evening we were admitted to a ward, where we had a cubicle, as Ti hasn't had his immunisations yet. Having a room was quite lucky, as the ward turned out to have two children with Rota virus (stomach bug that can lead to serious dehydration in babies) and was closed to new admissions the next day, and worse still, was turned into 'the Rota ward' another few days later, having all the other sick babies from throughout the hospital transferred there.

A week of tests revealed that the doctors don't have a clue what's causing his eye movements, but thankfully some of the really scary possibilities like tumors and epilepsy, have been ruled out. On the downside, another eye exam during the investigations showed changes on his eyes, so he has been diagnosed with the same eye disease Emm has. It's been called quite early though, and he was lasered one week later, this monday, which hopefully will improve his chances of keeping his sight. There hasn't been any damage yet, but exudation, which means the disease is active, in one eye. We're lucky it was caught now, i don't know how much damage could have been done to his eye(s) by mid May, which was when they would have otherwise looked at him again.

After the laser operation (Emm had another EUA and FA on the same day) we talked to the neurologist again, and he still couldn't tell us anything about Ti's condition, only that the symptoms don't match anything, really, and they don't know what to look for next. They did mention that it's similar to Opsoclonus, which is often associated with Neuroblastoma, but his tests for that came back negative. Although as different tests were ordered by different doctors, I'm not sure any more whether they said the Neuroblastoma test came back negative, or the tests ordered by the Neurologist came back negative.

We're now to get another appointment for in two months time, unless there is any change to the worse in him. They think he might just outgrow it. He seems to not be bothered by the eye flickering, so I suppose we'll have to wait and see.

We got out of hospital just in time for his christening, we were home a mere 3 hours before the guests from Germany arrived on the Friday evening, but P had done great work during the week and with a bit of help on Saturday morning we had a great feast prepared for the guests at lunchtime. Here a little picture of the buffet:

my mum baked bread and brought it over, as well as some cured westphalian ham, there's a greek and a green salad the godmother brought, eggs from P's mum's hens, pasta salads and a fritatta from P, and lots more. We also had delicious cakes my neighbour made but I didn't get to take a picture of those.

The tulips in the top right corner of the table didn't quite open up on the day, but half a week later they looked like this!

growth spurt

2011-03-13T18:20:00.000Z

The news from Japan are upsetting and unsettling, so soon after the Christchurch quake, too. Seeing those tsunamis roll in, so powerful and unstoppable. I hope everybody gets all the help they need to rebuild their lives after this!

Meanwhile, oblivious to all this, my little boy is having another growth spurt! He's been feeding almost hourly all day, so I'm taking it fairly easy, drinking fennel tea, and eating oaty biscuits (cowboy cookies)! I have all intentions to get through this project

before the evening though! This guide seems like a good starting point.

Emm is in a good mood today, playing dress up, and making pretend custard in her kitchen for us. And P is home, trying not to do his sprained ankle in again, so it's a laid back day here.

The coming week will be mad, we have Ti's christining planned for saturday, with four house guests arriving on Friday! We've made lots of lists, so the week will be spent running around, preparing, and cooking all the food. For Emm's christening (30 people) we had a hot buffet, which meant my mum and I spending a solid day and a half cooking, and all of the christening day making sure the food was hot on time, and didn't burn, and dishing it out and doing dishes, I hardly talked to anybody until 5pm, and by half six everybody had gone home! This time it will be a cold buffet, so hopefully a little more time to enjoy the day and chat to the guests. I know we could just get caterers, but it's a lot of money, and usually for food that isn't half as nice as what we'd make ourselves.

things that make me happy this week

2011-03-09T23:49:00.031Z

finding myself having proper conversations with Emm
chicken gumbo, yum...
seeing Emm eat loads of it, chased with steamed broccoli, and declaring it 'the best dinner ever'
my sleeping babe
having spare energy again! today used to make a batch of cowboy cookies

the lengthening days
feeling warmth from the sun
the spring cleaning urge, even if i don't actually get to do much about it, i can feel it and am full of ideas on how to better use our space, and do tiny little projects, whatever i can get done in 5 minutes...
feeding Ti, with ease, and no pain,
the calm disposition that comes with breastfeeding
the great rack that comes with breastfeeding!
seeing Emm look after Ti
seeing Ti look up at Emm
Pancake Tuesday (even if pancakes are way more often on the menu in this house!)

new arrival!

2011-01-15T14:41:00.002Z

This is our little boy, Ti, (his actual name is spelled irish-gaelic and pronounced /ˈteɪɡ/, /ˈtiːɡ/, /ˈtaɪɡ/, like the first half of 'tiger') who arrived Thursday morning, much like his sister after a quick labour and delivery, about and hour after arriving at the hospital. Much like his sister he also is giving me some difficulties feeding him, so it'll be quiet here for a while, as we're working on the correct latch!

Winter Sun

2011-01-11T20:36:00.002Z

This is how long our shadows were at twelve noon today! But it's good to know that the days are getting longer... Did I mention we got an 'Ecological Calendar' this year? I love it, especially watching how the amount of day light increases, and the different night sky events.

Emm and I had to do some banking today, and added a charity shop visit (very successful, with a 'Peppa Pig' book, 'The Little Red Hen' ladybird book, a tablecloth that might be intended to be embroidered (which is very unlikely to happen anytime soon), some flashcards and a Peter and the Wolf CD, narrated by Dame Edna Everage. We also had a little walk on the beach, which ended in a tantrum when it was time to go back, and I intended to share some lunch with her, in a little cafe (where Emm refused to eat anything, at all, and instead chose to colour Peppa Pig pictures (yes, we're dealing with an obsession here)). Apart from the tantrum, it was a nice relaxed morning for just the two of us!

Her eye appointment went OK, both eyes still dealing with the effects from the laser OP, as they should, and no disease related changes visible during the slitlamp exam. It wasn't nice to get actual numbers for her eye sight (3/60 and 6/60 at the moment, which for a grown up means legally blind), when it seems like she sees all she needs to, but it's all part of the process of getting her all the support she needs. The consultant says the decrease in her visiual acuity (while we weren't told numbers before, her file had 6/24 written in it from a previous visit) is partly due to (hopefully) temporary shortsightedness due to swelling from the laser operation. However, as she grows, and her eyes with her, she is very likely to become more and more shortsighted, on top of the retinal problems she has, and which are also likely to worsen. The optometrist and consultant both were quick to point out how 'very bright' she is, and what great language skills she has for her age, which I think was intended to distract me from the fact that her eye sight is not very good at all. If her eyesight doesn't decrease she should be able to go to a normal school, using low vision aids.

So now I should be free to mentally prepare for the baby, but today it doesn't feel right yet, it's all to fresh on my mind and I'm filling my day trying to get the house and bills organised while trying to spend quality time with Emm, too, all at an awfully slow pace, because I'm really feeling 'heavily' pregnant now! So very different to the last few weeks of pregnancy with Emm...

waiting for baby...

2011-01-09T22:59:00.001Z

I knit a little hat for the baby, but I think it's a bit small, I better make another one... The pattern is called 'Norwegian Sweet Baby Cap' and can be found on www.ravelry.com. It's meant to have ties below the ears, but I think I'll make a bigger hat with ties before I put more time into this one. The wool is 'sublime' merino, in 'sage'.

A friend of mine organised a pediatric 1st aid course for 10 of us, it was a hard day for a 38w pregnant lady! Those manikins really are sturdy and CPR is much harder work than you'd think! We learned a lot, mostly refreshing knowledge from previous occupational first aid, and concentrating on what things you do differently for children and infants.

The baby's head has descended a little bit into my pelvis, to just above his/her eyebrows, according to the midwife yesterday, I'd say after all the CPR practice today it might be another bit lower! I'm getting nerve twinges in my groin, and pressure, too! P already brought down the crutches from the attic, in case I get the badly trapped nerve again, that immobilised me for nearly three weeks before Emm was born! I'm sitting here, typing, and looking at my belly, and already starting to feel nostalgic about it being gone soon. This time next month I should have either had the baby or being induced! I'm in two minds, I do feel ready to meet the baby, but at the same time I worry about being able to still give Emm all the attention she needs!

She has her next eye appointment tomorrow morning. After hitting the 37w mark this is another day I want to get through, before going into labour. Maybe after that I'll relax a little more. The roads are still very icy at the moment, too, so it wouldn't harm if the baby decided to come on a day it wasn't so dangerous to drive! I remember before Emm arrived I felt really ready, I had nothing important left to do, lots of little things planned but nothing that was vital! I hope I'll get a little more time to spend with Emm on my own, this weekend was so busy, I hardly spent any time with her during the day. She got an extraordinary amount of bedtime songs though, and lots of extra cuddle time. I think I'm going to make a list of lots of little things to do with Emm before the baby comes, going to the beach, the library, bake... something to look forward to each day while we wait for her sibling!

Our christmas tree and decorations are gone, the living room feels a little bare, but also so much bigger again, with space for the pram, for the baby to sleep in during the day!

Health and Happiness to you and yours!

2011-01-01T22:28:00.001Z

Happy New Year 2011!

2010 has been tough, tiring because of the pregnancy, and the slow realisation of what is wrong with Emm's eyes. But as bad as the outlook for the future may possibly be, for the moment she's well, and we're all healthy otherwise, as far as we can tell, P has his job, we have a cosy little house and so far don't have to worry about the heating bill, this unusually cold winter. Looking back at the pictures from the last two posts I'm realising how lucky I am, there's love, and beauty, there are friends, hopes for the new year, in just those few photos. I tidied up a lot of photos on my camera and harddrive last night, and came across so many happy moments throughout the year!

Hopefully in 2011 there will be less health worries (although we've got several hospital appointments lined up already) and I hope we will continue to take each day as it comes, and see the good in each one of them. Sometimes it's hard not to get stressed and irritated and argue about small things, but I'm working towards putting things into perspective. We have so much to be thankful for, and so many enjoyable things in our life!

I hope all will be well with this baby, I do worry about the birth a little, mostly because the 30-40 minute trip to the hospital could turn out much longer, with the cold snap we've been having, and a lot of people have been telling me their 2nd child came much quicker than their 1st! And of course I also worry about the baby's eyes, and Emm's...

I have just been reading other blogs, enjoying all the thoughts about the old year gone by and new year ahead. Melanie of Kimono Reincarnate had this lovely blessing in today's post, I've taken the liberty to post it here, too, because it matches so well what I'm thinking, about what matters, and how good we have it, and how I wish to everybody to be able to be grateful for these things!

"Wishing you always...

Walls for the wind,

A roof for the rain

And tea beside the fire.

Laughter to cheer you,

Those you love near you,

And all that your heart may desire"

An Irish Blessing

and two more bump photos

2010-12-30T22:34:00.000Z

a kiss for the baba...

bumping bellies!

bump pictures 37 weeks

2010-12-30T22:22:00.001Z

37 weeks according to my dates, 36+2 according to hospital.

Loving my bump (apart from how uncomfortable it is!)! My friend Elaine took the pictures with her digital SLR and I did a bit of contrast, red eye correction, black and white and glow on them in picasa. This will probably be the last time my belly won't look wobbly! For the rest of my life! I got lucky after Emm and there wasn't much damage done, but this babe is meant to be bigger, and also, you probably can't stretch your skin like this, twice, and go back to normal afterwards!

christmas day

2010-12-26T22:22:00.000Z

We had a very quiet, but lovely, christmas day, with a fire down all day, lots of chocolate and christmas sweets and mandarins, a little bit of unwrapping, but we kept it the presents to a minimum this year. We had a few more presents from Germany today (we did Christkindl, doing the 'Bescherung' together, on skype), and M is going to get more from Peter's family, but it was nice, even without lots and lots of luxurious presents! I have to admit, I enjoy buying presents, and it was nice to be able to do it a few years ago, when I was earning money and didn't have a mortgage to worry about. There were a few years where I was buying for all my family, and most of Peter's, and for my friends, and I loved it! I enjoy the giving much more than the receiving, mostly because I am quite picky about what I like. This year I got a voucher for pregnancy reflexology (something I would have just booked and gone for when I was pregnant with Emm) and a clipboard with lists, that I actually bought myself and P just wrapped it for me. It would have been nice to get some little surprises, too... Something I hadn't asked for or bought myself!

At the same time, we're all relatively healthy, M's eyes are OK for the moment and we have a new consultant, the pregnancy is going well as far as we can tell, and we were fortunate enough not to have to travel anywhere during the cold snap, and not to have to worry about the heating bill, or food!

her new kitchen being unveiled.

...straight to work!
raiding the tree

some more snow play

Today the thaw has set in, the snow's gone from the roof and trees and walls, the snowmen have melted to small mounds, there's rain and melting water everywhere. On the upside, it means some of P's family might come after all, for dinner on Tuesday!
Tomorrow we have to brave IKEA, and get Emm a new bed, we really shouldn't put it off any longer, with only 4 weeks till the due date! It'll be enough change for her, without giving up her cot and seeing it used by the new baby straight away, I think it'll be better for her to have a few weeks settling in, with the cot out of sight, before we set it up in our room.

christmas eve

2010-12-26T21:41:00.000Z

snow pictures

2010-12-23T00:59:00.001Z

P says this is the most snow he's seen since he was a little kid. It's certainly more than I have ever seen in Ireland, and I've been here for nearly 9 years... Emm is loving it!

On a not so nice note, the stomach bug that we seem to have avoided for the last two weeks seems to finally have arrived at our house, P is miserable today! Emm and I have met a lot more people just before and after they came down with it and have escaped so far, but it looks like we might all have it for christmas! For most of my friends it's been a 24 hour bug, so lets hope that's all it's going to be... I really hope that if we're going to be struck with it, Emm and I won't get it before tomorrow afternoon, as we just got tickets to see 'The Snowman' at the concert hall in the morning! Fingers crossed...

pepparkakor

2010-12-23T00:53:00.000Z

swedish gingerbread men and other ornaments! Other pregnant women apparently get the nesting instinct, cleaning their houses... i've clearly gone mad making and icing gingerbread... i really should be in bed, not tying red cotton string to biscuits. i've hung some of the ornaments into the tree, in the top layers, i better wait with the lower branches until christmas morning, I have a suspicion they won't last long!

Birdfeeders

2010-12-20T23:25:00.000Z

Today we finally got a proper snow fall, I'd say 6 inches at least, and it's still going. We haven't had any snow to speak of in the last weeks, but it's been quite cold. Lately I've noticed some robins and tits out in the garden, They must have come from the countryside to the village gardens, looking for food! I spoke to my mum, who loves to watch wild birds, and she said the best way to feed them is to make some fat bird feeders. I bought some cooking fat and bird seed, got small clay pots, string and twigs from the garden, and checked my baking cupboard for oats, and some leftover nuts and seeds (great way to use up the slightly out of date ones!). As it's nearly christmas I threw in some raisins as a treat, too! you can also add peanut butter and any unsalted unroasted nuts and seeds.

You melt the fat (Vegetable fat, lard, beef drippings, whatever you can get your hands on.For today's batch I got some free cutoffs from the butcher, and added the rendered fat to the bought stuff) over a very low heat, then stir in your seeds, chopped nuts and oats. Leave to cool. You use the twig and string to hang the pot from a tree, with the twig serving as a climbing branch for the birds. Hard to explain, easy to show http://www.geo.de/GEOlino/weihnachten/52056.html this link shows it quite well.

During my first attempt yesterday I hadn't looked it up properly, thinking I remembered it all from when my mum made these when I was a kid. I forgot to put in the little branch for climbing, and also didn't let the mixture cool down enough before filling the pot. The birds don't seem to mind so far. I made another one today, and this one's by the book, just waiting to set on top of the garden shelve.

We had Emm's follow up appointment last week and the professor said her retinas are reacting to the laser treatment as they should. He isn't the one doing her long term treatment plan, so he wasn't answering any questions, in fact, when I mentioned we might get referred to London he nearly seemed insulted and wound up the appointment very quickly. I don't think even as a professor, he has any reason to feel offended if parents are looking to see a specialist, if he has only had one or two patients with this condition in his entire career... I forgot to ask for the October photographs of her retinas and he didn't offer them either, I'll have to call the nurse on tomorrow and ask will she email them to me. I'm still annoyed the professor didn't take any before and after photos during the operation, and didn't repeat the angiogram, which is what the consultant had said would be done initially... We see him again in January, so I think we'll just have to wait until then to find out what the next steps will be.

I had an antenatal appointment on Friday, and the midwife reckons this baby will be bigger than Emm was! It's lying oblique at the moment, she said that's OK at this point. I certainly get lots of kicks and I think it's still twisting and turning a lot, sometimes it feels like there's just not enough space! I feel as big as I was just before Emm was born, and I still have 5 weeks to go!

making christmas cards

2010-12-09T18:26:00.001Z

I've been experimenting with using Emm's artwork for christmas cards. My baubles didn't quite work out, but I was very happy with the snowman,

so I made a little series! I used two of her drawings that had only pale colours, and mostly blue, on white. I cut it into wide strips so that I'd have a rough guide to for the size of the circles, which I then cut freehand.

I used red card (which came with matching envelopes from a bookshop in Germany, 3.45€ for 10 about 2 years ago) and glued three circles on, trying to make sure to get a bit of texture by mixing and matching darker and lighter circles, or by turning them so the lines would go in different directions. The carrot noses are done with white glue and red glitter, everything else is drawn on with black ink.

Sure to delight grannies and aunties!

I love red and white for christmas decorations, but I might let Emm loose with lots of shades of green, and then cut shapes to make christmas trees, because I have lots of cream coloured cards in my paper crafts box! I'm not really a big fan of glitter, but it seems essential in irish crafts for kids (maybe in Germany, too, but it wasn't around when I was little...). Emm enjoys the stuff greatly, so I'm sure the christmas tree designs will feature some, too!

I enjoyed the bit of peace and quiet during her nap time, making the cards, ignoring my floors which are in dire need of mopping...

I've got a super itchy eye, which I'm pretty sure I got yesterday, ironically, from the hospital for Emm's eye operation! They had the air conditioning set to heat the place full blast, it was worst in the tiny play room, imagine sitting under a hair dressers dryer hood! There was no getting away from it, and now my bottom eye lid is swollen and itchy, can't think of the name for the condition. The pharmacist gave me some over the counter drops to calm it, but so far it's not making a difference! At least now Emm doesn't feel too hard done by, having to get eye drops, as she's not the only one!

Eyes update

2010-12-08T16:45:00.000Z

We're just back from the hospital, and Emm had laser on both eyes. She was a very brave girl, didn't cry once or make a fuss, with lots of sets of eye drops, and blood pressure measuring and general taking her away from the play room and toys.
It's a bit strange, she was booked in for another EUA and FA, and if necessary they were possibly going to do some lasering. Then they phoned us on Monday and said they spoke to the specialist in London and he recommended they laser the left eye and see about the right eye. This morning we noticed the EUA and FA wasn't on her file, but the nurse added them. After the OP the Professor came down to speak to us and told us the OP went well and that he'd lasered both eyes. When I'd asked about the pictures he said he didn't take any! I'm a bit annoyed, as this was what our new consultant had ordered in the first place, a second set of pictures to compare and assess whether there had been any change!
We're glad they did the laser and that the Professor said he didn't 'see' any change, but I really would have liked there to be pictures to show it. Especially if we want to get a second opinion abroad it would be good to have some 'before and after' pictures from today. Also, I hardly even bake a cake without taking pictures, so I thought it strange of a surgeon doing extensive laser surgery without documenting the process... Maybe they were too busy? The ward certainly was full today...
He agreed to let us have copies of the images, but I'm not sure if he will have them digitally. I wanted him to just email them to me, but he was saying 'I'll have them for you next week, at the appointment'.

Emm's first snowman

2010-12-03T14:19:00.000Z

messy baking with two year olds

2010-11-28T22:22:00.000Z

I didn't quite realise before just how hard it is to bake with two year olds! While a 12 months old baby tried to eat raw cookie dough, two two year olds tried to cut cookies before the dough was even rolled out. When it came to decorating the first biscuits were eaten immediately (why would mama put sweets in front of me unless she's expecting me to eat them?) one was sprinkling hundreds and thousands onto icing only to lick it all off seconds later, while another just ate the alphabet sprinkles straight from the bowl! They did get into the spirit of things soon after, but another minute later they were bored and went off to play, while the mammies finished the job. Cleaning up afterwards was a sticky business! But all worth it, the girls had fun, and their mums, too, and proud little bakers brought home biscuits for their daddies.
Four of us had this great plan of craft afternoons for the little ones, but none of us have any experience, so we're learning by doing. About attention spans, the importance of being organised, and basically about enjoying watching them have fun, without getting to concerned about how perfect the finished project is going to be!

Eyes update, not so good this time

2010-11-13T13:40:00.001Z

On wednesday we had our follow up appointment after the eye exam under anaesthetic and to our devastation, the consultant took back all the good news she had for us immediately after the eye exam. She talked to the professer in the meantime and he said it was very clearly a rare eye condition that we'd worried about. All the blood tests came back negative, she told me now that they were testing for antibodies to viruses, that I might have had during the pregnancy. She's going to refer us to a Genetics Consultant, they drew more blood from Emm (poor girl!) and examined my eyes, which were clear, no sign of the disease (it's believed that for most people with a gene mutation for this disease, there are only very subtle changes on the retinas, that are never noticed and never cause any problems), to pass this information on the the Genetics person. The baby will have to be examined as soon as it's born, too.

Emm also needs laser treatment to the scars as soon as possible, within the next two weeks. They don't think she's a candidate for drug treatment, which might stop abnormal blood vessel development. However, the consultant and the professor have only seen one case of this before, so they are trying to get 2nd opinions. It'll be hard to find them in Ireland, as it's just too rare, but apparently there's one specialist in Michigan, and there are some people in the UK and other, bigger, countries, that have several patients, rather than just one.

We weren't told if the disease is active at the moment, if there are abnormal blood vessels, if there's exudate (fluid that leaked from blood vessels and seperates the retina from the back of the eye), what stage she's at, but I think it's a matter of the consultant not being sure herself yet. The angiogram pictures were extremely blurry, nothing like the examples I'd seen online, so it might be hard to tell from them, unless there are others that are clearer, that I haven't seen. We're not sure if both folds had been there all along, or if she developed one of them in the last year.

I phoned the secretary on Friday, trying to see can I talk to the professor maybe, I couldn't. I was trying to get some more information, saying that I was doubtful they'd find a specialist with enough experience in Ireland, and of course lost it and got all choked up with tears again. They assured me that they are consulting specialists abroad, and that the consultant would call me on Monday and let me know if she's heard back from anybody.

After a two week break where we were recovering from the stress of the day procedure and MRI, starting to be just happy that it wasn't progressive and that she didn't need any treatment, even if it confirmed that she had very reduced vision, where we were getting back to celebrating birthday and halloween, cooking, baking, shopping, outings to the beach and market... now we're back to frantically trawling the internet for any information we can find, specialists, and how people find dealing with them, treatments, prognoses... It's heartbreaking to read the stories of children's vision deteriorating, the problems they have dealing with it, the horrific operations some of them need to have... We'll have to work out a way of getting back to living in the moment, to dealing with what's happening with Emm now, rather than worrying about the future. But I feel I have to be sure first I am not missing any vital piece of information that might help us! So it's long nights on forums, and google, trying to read medical papers where every second word is new to us, looking for information in english, german, i even worked my way through a dutch page, using the 'translate' button and what patchy knowledge I have of dutch. A lot of the information out there is outdated, there have been a lot of new discoveries in the last ten, five, two years.

dreaming about new boots

2010-11-02T15:35:00.000Z

I really like the look of these! Yes, yes, I know they won't make my legs look like that in a million years! I like the way they slouch! I don't know about spending that much money on a pair of boots though, and looking out the window, suede boots are not really a great option right now...

This one might be more sensible... I like the buckle!

I was talking to a friend about Uggs and weather it was worth buying them, but she said she wasn't too fond of hers as they were too flat! something I sometimes find with my Birkenstocks, great for around the house and garden, and driving, but for long walks I think I prefer either a little more heel, like an inch or so, or more support... She then showed me her FitFlop Boots, that's how I came across these!

Ah, maybe it's not a good idea wearing wobbly shoes for me anyways, I think you're supposed to start before you get pregnant, with any new and different footwear...

If I hadn't so many pairs of handknit woolly socks from my mum, I'd also like these shearling clogs! But in combination with the socks I would probably get heat stroke on my feet! They'd be lovely for the hospital though, when you're in and out of the bed all day long...

Enough of consumer dreams, the babe's awake and we'll have to brave the weather and get some food into the house!!

Ginger cake

2010-11-01T19:08:00.001Z

After the birthday and halloween shenanigans Emm came down with a temperature last night, which got up to 39.3 today, she's not herself at all! I've been up since five, as I drove my sister and her husband to the airport this morning. I thought I'd have a nap while Emm has hers but because she's been poorly she had a sleep this morning, which was too early for a lie down for myself. I did make a ginger cake though, which turned out more like a gingery treacle cake, but very nice none the less.

I also made two lasagne, and froze two one-pound-bags of bolognese (We cooked a big batch yesterday, I'd say we had a little more than 4 portions of it last night, gave 4 to P's mum to bring home (they couldn't stay for dinner), have now 4 in the freezer and the two lasagne probably count as 2 portions each, too. 16 generous portions, I like when the work that goes into cooking yields a substantial amount!)

I must get my hands on some rye flour and try this http://mydutchbakingblog.blogspot.com/2010/02/ontbijtkoek-dutch-spice-bread.html, I'm suspecting it might be as close as I'll get to the kandiskuchen i've been craving lately.

In a week and a half we have the next eye appointment, hopefully they'll have good news for us then, as in, they might have found a cause that is not linked to any further degeneration of her eyesight! We couldn't find any further information on babies being born with 2 identical looking retinal folds through the makula (of course not having any official medical terms to search for doesn't help) but I got a reply from the parent I contacted in Germany. He was surprised to hear about another case, they got their daughter's eyes tested about a year ago, and their specialist said he didn't know of another case like it in all of Germany (population of over 80 million!) but then their specialist mightn't have access to all the data... They were never given a cause for the findings, just that it most likely happened before birth.

I'm officially in the 3rd trimester now and feel very big, I have another appointment on the 5th I should get my iron results then. I do feel quite tired, but I think it's probably down to not sleeping. I'm just lying awake all night, either worrying about Emm or the baby, or having nightmares or other strange dreams with convoluted plots and no conclusions...

By the way, do you ever feel like you should be able to function on four hours of sleep a night, like some highly efficient people seem to do? I was very happy and sad to read that there's a gene mutation responsible for the ability to survive on so little sleep, nothing to do with the rest of us being lazy bast*&%s! In fact, I also read this article suggesting it might be bad for us to sleep less than 7 and a half hours per night! Now, there goes my hope that once I get over my lazy sleeping habits of at least 6 hours per night I will finally have that clean tidy house with lots of home cooked healthy food on the table, while also having time to play with my daughter, keep up with current affairs, read literature, knit, sew, help others or charities more, and keep up with fashion and some kind of beauty regime, in addition to earning extra money to afford said beauty regime and fashionable clothes... did i mention regular exercise? and socialising? and blogging? and yoga and writing and photography? ...or that there's a baby on the way....

I had 5 hours of sleep last night and can't you tell, rambling... I better get the little one to bed now, she's done with her puzzles and looking for some attention! I wonder will I stay up until P comes home from swimming (he goes straight after work) or should I give in and go to sleep as soon as Emm does...

eyes update

2010-10-29T21:41:00.001+01:00

After two emotionally draining days in the hospital, (a morning for the MRI and until half 6 in the evening for the eye exam) we got some good and some bad news. The MRI brain scan seemed to be clear, at first glance from the radiologist, which is a big relief. The fluoresceine angiogram did not show up any abnormal blood vessels, which means if we're dealing with an exudative retinal disease, like it is at least not active at the moment. Coats disease was ruled out by the consultant, which is good news as well. The photos they took of the back of her eyes however showed that she indeed has two retinals folds, one on each eye, covering the macula (area of central vision, the area you use for fine detail, like reading) reaching all the way to the optic disc. There's also scarring of the peripheral retina on both eyes. The specialist thinks it happened before birth, and may not lead to further scarring or damage, but this kind of bilateral retinal folds is very rare, so she is going to consult another ophtalmologist to look at the photos. Emm will need 'help with her schooling' is as the specialist put it, they can't say how much she actually sees at the moment. We don't know will she be legally blind, or visually impaired, or if she will require a special needs assistant in school. She seems to be doing OK at the moment, as far as we can tell, so we can only hope that there won't be any deterioration to her vision.

They drew 5 vials of blood which are being sent off for testing, but she wouldn't tell me what they are testing it for. We are guessing genetics, or maybe antibodies to a virus, as there are some viruses that can cause retinal damage to the unborn baby. I asked a nurse could I have a look through the file, which was one the counter, and she said I'd have to make an official freedom of information request!

That peed me off quite a bit. But I was in no shape to argue, as I'd been crying on an off the whole day, beginning as soon as we walked in, with the registrar asking for a 90€ fee, that I had not been informed about in our appointment letter. I really am pretty useless under stress (and under the influence of pregnancy hormones). I was so upset that they would ask people to pay a fee when it's tests that one of their consultants has ordered, without warning the parents beforehand, 90€ is a lot of money and there are more costs involved, with travel costs and days off, and not everybody can just pull out their wallet and present that kind of money. It turned out that, as we have her covered under my husband's health insurance, the fee was waived, but it took some phone calls to get her policy number, as we hadn't been told that the health insurance would be involved in this (all the previous appointments, including the MRI, had been free of charge). The registrar was pretty unfriendly with me, saying I should know that there's always a charge with the day ward, and that I'd have to pay it every time (setting me off again, realising I'd have to come for more tests with her!).

I'm so glad P was with me! He kept his head and let me cry it out while he took Emm to the waiting room which had lots of toys. She had been fasting since 7 that morning, with no water after 9.30. We were asked to come in at 11.30, and we'd been told that they'd start the procedures around one, or one thirty. That actually meant that they started the 'list of patients' at one thirty! Emm's name on the board had all the boxes ticked and we expected to be next, for ages, Emm soon turning into a very unhappy, cranky, angry child being so hungry, at half two we were told that it wasn't her turn for another while, and that we should try to get her to sleep a little, at half 3 another little boy came back from theatre screaming, really upset, and not stopping until it finally was Emm's turn at ten to four. I was allowed to go into theatre with her until she was asleep (with gas), but was then immediately more or less frogmarched out to the staircase, and asked to wait downstairs.

I couldn't bear to be any further away from her than strictly neccessary, and after P tried and failed to take me for a walk we waited right outside the elevator doors. She was crying when they brought her down, at about a quarter to five, and it took a little while to settle her. She finally took some water, and then some toast, around five. Ten hours of fasting is a really long time for a not even two year old who's only 10.7 kg! We were allowed to leave at half six, and Emm was back to her usual form by then. P and I hadn't eaten all day either, so we stopped at a burger king on the way home, not our usual choice of venue, but we were so hungry by then, we didn't care... Emm loved it, of course, and ate lots of fries and played happily with her crappy plastic toys, but she's not a fan of the chicken bites (they are vile) and wouldn't have much of her juice, either. We finally got home around 8 that evening and were fit for nothing, which is exactly what we did, after putting Emm to bed. I actually went to sleep soon after her, around nine, and P stayed up a little longer, having a beer and watching a DVD, winding down.

We've been googling some more but it really must be an extremely rare occurence, as we can't find any more information! I have however found one similar case in Germany, and contacted the parents, to find out what they've found out, about their daughter who is only a little older than Emm.

both babies dressed up for halloween

2010-10-29T20:42:00.001+01:00

Emm went as Pippi Langstrumpf (Pippi Longstocking). To get her fine straight hair to stay in braids I soaped up my hands and rubbed them through her hair, then plaited it. I pinned the two plaits up with bobby pins, and sprayed the lot with hairspray. When we arrived at the party I took the bobby pins out and the plaits stayed sticky outy for about an hour. The freckles are done with my eye liner pencil. We already had the cute little wrap dress, the pockets and the patch are just roughly sewn on with embroidery floss. She's wearing red tights, with stripy long socks (a too small stained pair of tights cut up!), and her winter boots.

For baby number two I just painted a pumpkin face onto an orange top, and flashed it when appropriate.

a break from worrying ourselves sick

2010-10-24T21:11:00.000+01:00

we're making a conscious effort not to worry ourselves sick this weekend. It's not long now until the tests, the MRI is on Tuesday, and the eye exam under general anaesthetic (including fluorescein angiography). We've done all the googling we could, and talked every day about what it could be and how it might affect her, and I've cried every day, and lay awake every night, and it hasn't changed a bit about her eyes. I'm so glad I got through to a nurse that took the time to pull Emm's file and explain what the consultant wrote and what tests she ordered!

We're now doing what we knew we should be doing all along, look after her and care for her and let her have fun, and not pull ourselves apart worrying about things we can't change. It's ironic, that we got the news just after I finished reading 'eat pray love' a book all about acceptance and living in the moment, and everything i'd learnt went right out the window... But I'm getting back to it.

We've made no plans, we're just at home, spending time with her, playing, baking (apple cake), cooking (chicken and chorizo gumbo (loosely based on this recipe, ignoring the turf and using free range chicken portions instead)), going into the garden, the beach, a birthday party yesterday... this evening we've put down a nice fire, the first this autumn, and let Emm stay up a little longer, letting her enjoy the fire. She was playing with her Clipo bricks, for a good hour and a half, chatting non stop, repeating all the words and phrases she learnt today.

I'm not making plans for her birthday next week, we'll play it by ear. There will be a small party of course, and a cake with candles, and her auntie and uncle are coming for the weekend, but I'm not planning a big party for all her toddler friends. We've also ignored Halloween so far! But we might get a pumpkin tomorrow, and we're going to look for shoes for her, so maybe we'll find a little costume, too!

Now, back to enjoying the fire and talking to my husband, and paying some attention to the kicks from my unborn!

scary times

2010-10-15T11:13:00.003+01:00

Emm has been cross eyed since birth, sometimes more, sometimes less. After finally getting a referral for the eye clinic she was diagnosed with a retinal fold on her right eye, which disturbs her central vision.Her left eye was declared perfect and I was consoled with sentences like 'she'll be fine, she has perfect vision in her left eye'. We were advised to patch that eye for two hours a day to make her learn to use the weaker eye, too.

We had another eye appointment for Emm this week, as at the last test she seemed to see less on her 'good eye', probably due to the occlusion therapy, which was stopped. So for this week she got a 'double appointment', meaning she first does the test where she 'reads the charts' (pictures of fish and shoes and houses and so on.), and then goes in to the consultant who has a look at her eyes with lenses and lights. For that they put eye drops in, to dilate her pupils. She seemed to recognise a lot more picture with her 'weak eye', than with her 'good eye' again.

I had thought that maybe Emm had just had an off day where she wasn't as interested in the charts, but after the consultant examined her she said in addition to the fold at the back of her right eye, she was now seeing another one in her left eye! She seemed confused and wondered if she might have missed it the last time. I can't imagine she did as she had a good look at drew each eye fore me in her file, to explain what she had found. It was meant to be a congenital thing, that happened before birth, but finding a second one, now at 23 months, doesn't fit in with this! She wouldn't tell me what she suspects but arranged for a different eye exam, where Emm will be under a general anesthetic, and an MRI brain scan, both to be done within the next two weeks!

Of course i burst out crying but she wouldn't say any more, just that she's sorry about having bad news for me and that she won't be able to say anything until after the tests. Since this I've been crying my eyes out, and fool that I am, googling everything about eyes. The condition that matches the consultant's drawing most, is a persistent fetal vasculature, PFVS, a little stalk that's present while the eye develops, in the womb, and normally disappears before birth, but persists in some cases. The way I understand it's a bit like scar tissue, and over time, as the eye grows, will pull the inner eye out of shape, and distort her vision more and more! It then can also lead to glaucoma, and complete blindness. Or PHPV, a similar condition with clouding of the vitrous... It could also be a kind of vitreo-retinopathy, a degenerative condition that can lead to blindness. I could have coped if this was happening in one of her eyes, but in both! I don't know if this is what she has, but all the other eye conditions in infants and children are even scarier, being linked to genetic syndromes, some in combination with loss of hearing, too!

This is such a terrible time, not knowing, not being told anything, a brain scan for my little baby! I keep sending up little prayers, hoping they'll find it was all a mistake, and crying my eyes out realising that that's very unlikely. I sometimes see Emm looking at small items really close up and i find myself taking them away from her, because it freaks me out so much. She is such a bright smart happy little girl, loving her drawing, and books, knowing her colours and counting to ten and even recognising some letters, it just can't be right that she shouldn't be perfect and healthy! She's always picking flowers and looking at bugs and leaves and asking what everything is...

I've been crying at least every two hours, and I'm starting to worry it's not good for my unborn baby, 26 weeks today. It doesn't help that my cousin and her family are visiting, so when they are in the house I really have to pull myself together. On the other hand, Emm is having such fun with her cousins, who are 4 and 8, she doesn't notice my state, as she might otherwise. Then I look at them running and dancing around, and admiring each others' drawings, and wonder if she will still be able to do that in 2 years time. Then I have to find an excuse to leave the room and have another cry, and splash a lot of cold water in my face afterwards.
I'm glad I'm on a career break at the moment, I wouldn't be able to function in the office, at all!

plum cake, blackberry jam and crumpets!

2010-09-28T21:56:00.000+01:00

i had a bit of a cooking day! no photos unfortunately, but i made crumpets and blackberry&apple jam from darina allen's 'forgotten skills of cooking' book. The crumpets turned out beautifully, I made the whole recipe, thinking i'd wrap the leftovers in clingfilm and toast them tomorrow... alas, i am a pregnant lady, and over the course of the afternoon they were all gone!! and Emm had no more than one! i had to throw out the first three though, in my defence, but still, i must have eaten about 10!!!
For the jam I made the mistake of listening to too many cooks, using Darina's recipe but adding my mum's advice that I definitely should use jam sugar rather than ordinary sugar, so the consistency was on the verge of wine gums!! very very set. i added the juice of half a lemon because i knew the berries were quite sweet, from my friend's husband's jam experiment, which worked a treat, my jam turned out just the right balance of sweet and sour.
I used the last of the plums from our tree to make a small 'Pflaumenkuchen', using a pastry base instead of the favourable yeast dough base. (I made that one last week and I think out of the two versions it's definitely the better one) The bready base makes you think of bread and plum jam, only it's less sweet, much tarter and with only just cooked plums, rather than mushy sugary jam.
In the evening I still managed to cook a yellow thai curry, inspired by Jo's post! Emm was tucking in, except for the peppers and mushrooms. I had to make sure she drank lots of water afterwards, because I suppose the paste is quite salty, much more so than other dishes I cook. I forgot to put in the broccoli, my concentration was definitely waning by then!

I had bought Bill Grangers new book (can't find it on the amazon associates search engine), but returned it when I realised it was 12.50£ on amazon (13.25£ at the moment), after I'd paid 33€ for it in the shop! I know there's exchange rates and shop overheads, but I don't think that kind of price difference is justified!! They took it back, no problem. I haven't ordered it yet and am thinking almost everyday of a dish i saw in it and then remember, oh yeah, must buy the book! I had half decided to return it when I realised what most of the ingredients were going to cost!! If I was able to source them, that is... But now I keep thinking back and I think I will get the book again. Or maybe I should just get his first book? Are chef's first books usually their best?

blackberries and cookies

2010-09-27T22:20:00.001+01:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/markhillary/

We went picking blackberries today, yum... A friend of mine, Kate, recently bought a new house, on a bit of land, which happens to be covered in brambles! They've made jam already, and today, when Emm and I dropped in to bring cookies and borrow some maternity clothes, we decided to pick some more! Her two boys, and my little one, of course picked all the berries straight into their mouths, thoroughly destroying their clothes and covering their faces! Such a pity I didn't have my camera with me, it all looked so idyllic, Emm hasn't had the freedom to just roam around such a big area since we were at my parents'! The sun was on our backs and when we had enough berries, we picked a few cooking and eating apples to go with them. Kat's youngest started to get tired and cranky, so we headed back to the house to put him to bed, and I cooked the rest of us some sausage sandwiches.

When we got home Emm happily went to sleep, and I checked my mobile to discover to my embarassement that I'd totally forgotten about the window cleaner, for whom I was going to be home hours ago! He did my windows anyways, accidentally setting off the alarm, which called my mobile (unanswered in my handbag in the car), then P's mobile, who thankfully managed to switch it off remotely and then sent a neighbour around to check... How embarassing! I spent the rest of Emm's nap making phonecalls apologising to people, and the rest of the cookies went to support that cause...

Tomorrow will most likely be spent making something with the blackberries, maybe blackberry and apple jam? and something else with the last of the plums from our tree, i'm thinking german pflaumenkuchen! And I'll have to get the rooms ready for my mum and my aunt, there's some more tidying and bedmaking to do. And I'll have to try and spot and fix all the little things that i generally don't notice, like spiderwebs in the corners, the ironing basket, and dust behind the TV!

yippie, the last of the hideous 'buttermilk' paint is gone from our house!

2010-09-12T21:58:00.000+01:00

When we moved into this house every room, bar the bathrooms, was painted Dulux 'Buttermilk', a sickly, light zapping, depressing, pale yellow. The new paint is Dulux 'Abbeylands', a neutral beige, not too dark, but dark enough to provide a nice contrast to the white woodwork, no yellow undertones, just perfect! I usually like colour, but in the bedroom we have dark purple curtains, a bright orange anglepoise lamp and a green woolly throw that has flecks of purple, orange and turquoise in it, so I thought I better keep it neutral!

I think I'll get these photos printed and frame them white, they'll be great for the room!

That duvet cover is quite faded, and I should probably get a new set, but this one has just about gotten perfectly soft! The other problem is finding affordable 100% cotton bedlinen! I don't like the poly cotton almost everything in the shops here seems to be made of, and the linens in Ikea and in Germany have different measurements. Plus I would have to come across a nice design, in the right colours, and without any glitter or beads!! So for the moment, we'll stick with this one, and the 2nd set, which is all white, and let them both get softer and softer with every wash.

I'm not showing the side of the room with the hideous built in wardrobes, or the less than perfect chest of drawers, maybe if we paint them, or get rid of them, but that'll have to wait for better times!

On the dinner front, we had Hugh Fearnley Whittingstalls 'slow roasted shoulder of lamb with merguez spices'. I've been looking online, to see can I find the recipe to link to, but no luck. I did, however, find this blog post

http://www.them-apples.co.uk/2009/11/very-slow-roasted-shoulder-of-lamb-with/

with a nice photo. Ours looked equally delicious, and when P lifted the bone, the meat just fell off! Really really yummie...We had roasted spuds, spinach, and the meat juices with it. Emm was tucking in, she probably ate more than me! We have lots of lamb left over, and i have a beetroot and feta salad prepared, so it'll be an easy dinner tomorrow!

finished knit dress

2010-09-07T22:03:00.001+01:00

It's long enough, after all! She should be able to wear it all winter :-) She looks a bit grumpy, but that's because I put the dress on her right after her nap, and took her soother away to get a picture! Bad mama...

And I already started the next project, http://www.purlbee.com/crocheted-linen-grocery-tote/ a groceries bag. I'm doing it in ancora cotton, it's really thin, it's meant for lacey crochet projects, i think. I bought it in Portugal. I'm using a 2.5mm hook and am already changing the pattern a little, as I go on, so no idea how this will turn out! But the bag is meant to be very stretchy, so it shouldn't matter too much!

late summer visitors

2010-08-31T21:22:00.000+01:00

the lavendar plant is really popular with the bumble bees and butterflies! i should probably try to take cuttings, it's huge now and i don't know how long a plant lasts?

control freak boyfriend

2010-08-27T13:34:00.000+01:00

Oh, scary, I'm just watching Oprah, and they are talking about violent relationships. They are describing how violent relationships start, what patterns are telltale warning signs, 'red flags', and it's like a step by step account of my last relationship before I moved to Ireland! The flatteringly persistent guy, eager to move the relationship on quickly, always wanting to know where I was, hating if I spended time with my friends or family and always making me feel guilty about it, really jealous und untrusting (with no reason!), trying to control every aspect of our life, down to the way I washed the dishes... I am so glad I got out when I did (even that took a while because he wasn't taking no for an answer and hassled me, and then, when I moved away, my parents...)! The women in the program were later hit by their husbands, seriously injured, and some nearly killed...

Only got about 3 hours of interrupted sleep last night, better go and get some more while the little one naps!

more work on 'Puppe'

2010-08-26T13:56:00.000+01:00

She got a pair of trousers to go with her top/very short dress, and I put her felt hair into pig tails. There was more minor surgery to her hands to get rid of the lobster look.

I also looked my pattern over and made some adjustments, mainly to the hands and shoulders. Will have to make another doll to see if the changes worked! But, as you can see from the photos, we're having an unusually sunny day, so I'll be off to the Grange with Emm and my friend Cath, for some coffee and cake and sunshine, and then maybe for a little dip in the sea! Just waiting for Emm to wake up!

link to a wonderful blanket in progress

2010-08-24T22:42:00.000+01:00

http://blairpeter.typepad.com/weblog/2010/08/hands-busy-blanket.html

Isn't it just gorgeous? I love the colours... and the idea of different textures!

News here, i felt the baby kick for the first time last friday (18w). I felt it, and told P, and he put his hand on my belly and said 'you know it's very unlikely that I'll be able to - ooooooooh!' and he could feel it, too! I love it, it makes it so much more real, for both of us... And soon for Emm!

The second rag doll

2010-08-19T20:09:00.001+01:00

I've made a second doll! She's as of yet unnamed, she goes by 'Dollie' or 'Puppe' so far. I really like her, she's so much better than the last. Here she is:

I meant to post as I go on making it, but my sister being over to visit meant that I didn't spend much time on the computer! I did however get time to do some stitching as we were sitting and chatting. I don't have photos of all the steps but I have some:

This is my amended pattern (I used the one from before as a base): I added a neck and a dart to the head, rounded the shoulders and made the bottom narrower for the body. I made a different back body pattern by adding darts and increasing the width and length so that it would still match up. I added a foot shape to the leg and made it much wider,and I added a hand shape (mitten style) to the arm and made it much wider, too. I got the idea for the hands and feet and the head dart. from the hop skip jump dolls, I just love her dolls! I know I could have bought the pattern, and be done with it, but I like the challenge of making my own, and changing it a little which each doll (I already have lots of amendments for the next doll planned!).

I cut all my body pieces from pale pink baby cord, and sewed the darts, neck and limbs with the machine. After turning and stuffing the limbs I basted them to the body pieces and handsewed them on. At this point I realised that I wouldn't just be able to tuck the limbs into the body while sewing all around it! Instead I turned the body, I thought I'd never manage it!

oh dear...very hard work!

Phew!

I hand sewed the body and what was left of the head, and stuffed with some more pillow fiber. This sounds like I was nearly done at this point... But then I attached a lot of wool hair, strand by strand, decided I hated it, removed it, tried to fix the angle of the arms (which looked nothing like the above once the body was stuffed), gave up on that and ripped the seams and handsewed the arms back on. All this over the course of a week or so!

After the woolly hair disaster I decided to go for felt hair instead, and found a great instructions in this purl bee felt doll tutorial :

as i wasn't happy with the head shape

i stuffed the 'felt wig' with some more of the polyester filling

and then tried it on and whip stitched it in place.

I embroidered the face and M played with the naked doll for the afternoon.

Here the two dollies are having a rest on the window sill.

Emm's main demand was a nappy for the doll, and 'anziehen' (getting dressed), so in the evening I made some quick white knickers, and in the morning a simple sleeveless dress, held together with elastic at the neckline. Which brings us back to the first photo of this post!

Once I'd decided to make another doll I did lots of image googling, scanning through the pictures and checking any websites with those that I liked, this especially worked when I was looking for hair inspiration and tutorials! There are lots of great doll making resources out there, and photos for inspiration!

I made a doll

2010-08-11T15:32:00.001+01:00

She's a bit weird, something went wrong when I printed the pattern, I'm pretty sure the body and head turned out wider, and the arms and legs narrower! I started her last winter and stopped the work when I realised how skinny the arms and legs were. This weekend I took her out again and finished her today. I didn't want to invest too much more time in a wonky doll, so she just got a single layer of hair and a quickly embroidered face.. My mind is already on modifying the pattern to get more shape to the head. And bum, so she'll sit. And obviously fatter arms and legs! Emm seems to like her anyways, she's reading her 'Owl Babies' at the moment.

The pattern I used was from make-baby-stuff.com , I think it's a great and easy pattern, just be smarter than me and check your printer settings before you print!

djeco fishing game

2010-08-06T15:02:00.001+01:00

The little one got this gorgeous fishing game from a friend who just returned from her french holiday! Isn't it lovely? (took me ages to find a link to the right version of the game, she definitely got the cutest of them all!). I tried the amazon associates link, but it can't find it even though they have it: http://www.amazon.com/Djeco-Magnetic-Tropical-Fishing-Toy/dp/B003ATO1NA . Not sure how it works, I thought it would be a handy gadget to find links to stuff, but it still seems to have bugs...

Anyhow, she thinks the flying fish is a rabbit, and starts singing 'twinkle twinkle' whenever she gets a hold of the star fish.

I have to stay away from the big toy shops here and constantly remind myself that toys don't have to be garish and plastickey! This game is such a nice example of beautiful design, colours and materials. We're just back from the house of a friend, who's boy's plastic toys were all over the place, and I'd just started wondering if I'm depriving my child because her toys mainly fit into 2 big boxes, and a lot of them are wooden or fabric. Then I remembered that she seems happy, and always finds something to do! And that I'm much happier in a halfway calm looking house! Trying to only get beautiful things for her also stops me from spending too much money, because I think three times before I buy anything!

making gnocchi (a fairly colourless post)

2010-08-05T23:16:00.001+01:00

I made gnocchi today. I figured it was time to have potatoes as we haven't all week, but fancied something different! The Silver Spoon had a recipe, it's basically a kilo of spuds, a fifth of that in flour, a pinch of salt and an egg, quite simple! I steamed the peeled potatoes (Queens), mashed them and mixed them with the flour, salt and egg (make sure the mix isn't too hot when the egg goes in!). This mix is kneaded until you have a flexible dough.

I divided it up in two batches, as 600+g seemed quite enough for the three of us! One half I put aside, for Kartoffelklösse tomorrow.

The other half I divided up again, and rolled into thin sausages.

Those I cut up with a pairing knife, into little pillows.

The pillows were rolled into little balls

...lots of them! You can see how I started to flatten them a little with the fork (I think too much, I was looking up some other recipes and you're supposed to hold the ball in your hand while pushing on it with the fork, but I left them on the plate! The Silver Spoon says to push them against the underside of a grater.). The other half of the dough I made into 7 Klösse (or Knödel) which I wrapped in cling film.

Emm was fascinated with the process, she probably thought it was playdough! I gave her a little piece to play with, but she immediately tried to eat it, and with the raw egg I reckoned that wouldn't be a good idea!

I didn't get to take pictures of cooking them, as I was too busy cooking them! You put them in small batches (I did seven or eight at a time) into salted boiling water, and when they start to float to the top you take them out with a slotted spoon.

I made a spinach and philadelphia sauce, improvised, to go with it, with some of the perpetual spinach from the garden. (I fried some garlic and chili in a bit of olive oil and butter, and removed them as soon as the garlic started to get golden. I added the washed and chopped spinach and put the lid on, for about 5 minutes. Then I added cream cheese and tomato cubes and seasoned with nutmeg, salt and pepper.)

I know, it doesn't look too appetizing in the photo, but trust me, it was delicious! They were light, soft and kept their shape and didn't disintegrate or dissolve! All in all a quite colourless dish, it could have done without the philly, but I tend to not think much before I throw something together! I might serve the gnocchi with a tomato sauce the next time, or with sage butter and a mixed salad!

By the way, Gnocchi is pronounced something like [n'yog-kee] rather than [g'nok-chee] or [g'no-chee[ as you might often hear, to the confusion or despair of Italian waiters wordwide, depending on the level of their experience!

Visit from the cousins

2010-07-30T09:50:00.000+01:00

Emm had a great day on Tuesday when her cousins came to visit. Danny will be 4 and Megs is 8, and they all got on like a house on fire! We went to the beach and had fun building castles, collecting shells and digging Megs into the sand, making a lovely mermaid tail for her. Emm demanded 'more water!' for her castle and her big cousin obliged, carrying bucket after bucket from the shore.

Afterwards we desanded the kids as much as possible and went for a little walk, aren't they cute together? I'm so glad Emm has cousins, we always loved hanging out with our cousins when we were kids.

Back home the kids were all put into the bath and we ordered Chinese. I thought I'd managed to pay for it after a long discussion, but the SIL and BIL hid money before they left the next day! What is it about (irish?) people not being able to let anybody else pay for anything? Why does it always have to be an argument, and even if you think you've won it, they trick you afterwards! It's the same in the pub, in the restaurant, in the shop... They wouldn't even let me make them sandwiches for their trip to the zoo the next day, even though I'd already bought the bread and ham and cheese... I mean, the food in the zoo is overpriced and manky, and there are long queues for everything! Back home people, especially family, would maybe say "oh, don't go to any trouble", and then "are you sure" and then gracefully accept! How many "no really I want to"s does it take in Ireland? Five? Ten? Maybe I'm not persistent enough? Let me go watch some "Father Ted" and learn from Mrs. Doyle... But I really don't like making such a big fuss, if I offer something I mean it!

New Charity shop in Skerries! Yippie!

2010-07-29T18:13:00.002+01:00

While running some errands in Skerries I discovered a new charity shop, for those who know their way around, it's just opposite of 'Frock exchange'. It's in aid of children with autism and opened just two weeks ago. I'm delighted! I've always put off going to Swords, to the charity shops there, as parking is such a nightmare, and I generally don't do my shopping there. But Skerries, now there we go a lot, to the beach, for lunch, for walks, the bank, the library... you name it! I'm delighted!

I got Emm this beautiful lined grey tweed dress with bright crochet embellishments. For 4€!

And that's not all, the price included this matching cotton blouse!

So, people of North County Dublin, go check out this wonderful new shop, and donate your unwanted clothes, bric-a-brac and books, the next time you're going for a 'walk around the Head'!

a reminder of a lovely present

2010-07-27T22:34:00.002+01:00

isn't this ring just gorgeous? it's by www.linksoflondon.com

it reminds me of a ring P bought me years ago, a costume ring, is that the word, that had lots of blue beads attached, and they moved, too! Unfortunately I lost the ring over the years, but I still have one of the beads that fell off before that. The ring usually left a dark mark on my skin but I loved it. I'd admired it in a shop and he just got it for me, I think it might have been one of the first presents he ever got me. One of the first times I'd realised how generous and observant he is...

sunday baking - apple cupcakes (no icing)

2010-07-25T21:25:00.002+01:00

upon browsing some blogs i came across this recipe for blondies, and it looks absolutely delicious! Instead, however, I'll made my mum's simple apple cake recipe (but in a cupcake tin) to use up some cooking apples!
I'll be added some wholemeal flour, to make the cakes a slightly healthier treat. I've tried it last week, but they turned out a little too dry, so this time I added a spoonful of natural yoghurt, to get a moister consistency. Anyhow, the basic recipe, about right for an 8 or 10 inch round tin or 12-15 cupcakes, goes like this:

125g butter
125g sugar (I use some brown, some white)
3 eggs
some vanilla sugar (I include this in the 125g)
175 g flour mixed with 1/2 Packet (about 1 tsp) of bakind powder
(I usually use selfraising: when I'm making this in Ireland)
2-3 cooking apples or sour eating apples, cut into wedges then into slices

you beat the butter until fluffy, add eggs and sugar alternately while beating. Fold in the flour (already mixed with the baking powder), and finally fold in the apples.

I used 100g white self raising flour and 75g wholemeal flour, plus a tablespoon of natural yoghurt. This made enough batter for 12 cupcake papers and 2 buttered ramekins. At 200C (no fan) the cupcakes were done after about 20 minutes, the ramekins after another five. The top should be golden and an inserted skewer should come out clean.

For dinner I made Lakeshore Pork from one of the Avoca Cafe Cookbooks (Avoca Cafe Cookbook: Bk. 1 / Avoca Cafe Cookbook 2), first time I've tried it, it's soooooooo good! Emm was stuffing her face and demanding more and more sauce, we obliged, of course, and mashed her potatoes with lots of the appley mustardy goodness.

We're lucky she didn't puke up all that dinner, because this is what she got her daddy to do, soon after!

The laundry basket swing, great exercise for P!

He's off to Italy for work tomorrow, I'm not looking forward to being a single mum for 3 days! And I'm always nervous when my loved ones are flying... In fact, I'm kind of nervous for anybody that I don't have right in front of me, you never know what is going to happen, like those horrible deaths at the Love Parade in Duisburg, and I'm trying to be grateful for and aware of every happy moment I have with my family and friends. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-10755856 My thoughts are with the families and friends of those injured or killed. I've only just heard about these sad news.

peanut butter button cookies

2010-07-20T15:42:00.000+01:00

Today I made these peanut butter cookies from 'like mam used to bake', thinking they might turn into a total disaster. I didn't have enough butter so added a little oil and milk, then I didn't have enough peanut butter (and only the crunchy type, I always go for crunchy!) so I added some dark tahini. I also decided to use less sugar, 6 oz instead of 7.5. I used mostly white and a little wholewheat flour, and it was selfraising. I know, I know... it's a much better idea to try a recipe to the letter, first, before making any adjustments, but I was in a rush, and not very organised, and you know, I can blame pregnancy brain for adding the flour to the mix before actually mixing it! Aargh!

Well, the first tray got a little too dark, as I was distracted by Emm coming in from the garden, having covered herself in soil, asking to be cleaned! Thankfully that was the tray with only six cookies on it. The other one had twelve, and they turned out perfectly! I froze dough for another 8 cookies, so my yield was 26 cookies.

I'd sneakily eaten one of the giant chocolate buttons, and lucky me, there were exactly 19 in the bag!

Anyhow, we had a great morning/lunch playdate at a friend's house, with the delicious biscuits (could have done less sugar again, they were still quite sweet), lattes, later some pizza for lunch, and then some of my friend's delectable chocolate chip cookies straight from the oven to go with cups of tea. At the end of this Emm was thoroughly tired out and asked for 'auto, home, soother, bed'. And true to her word she went straight to sleep, bliss!

It was great to catch up with my friend, after being away for so long! we're planning to go swimming and we might go and see 'his and hers' in the cinema, and i'm going to look into antenatal yoga classes for us. my social life is taking off again! It's always strange having been out of the loop for a whole month!

Happy News!

2010-07-19T23:10:00.001+01:00

We're expecting a baby at the end of Januray! This photo is obviously not today's (13 weeks), but one from when I was pregnant with Emm!

I've felt a lot sicker with this pregnancy so far, and the heat in Germany wasn't helping, nor was the stomach flu... I thought I was over the worst but got sick again last night. But of course I know that I'm lucky compared to many! I mostly feel really nauseous, and gag a lot, but I'm able to keep it down almost all the time, apart from maybe 5 times so far. Still, the constant nausea is kind of annoying!

We had our first hospital appointment and official scan last friday, so it feels OK to tell! It's strange though, having a toddler to run after means I don't have time to worry as much, and I don't feel as attached to this baby yet. I that normal for a second baby? It's becoing more and more real though, some days I even look like I have a little belly already! Although I still don't weigh as much as I did when I got pregnant with Emm, I just about got back to my usual weight of ten stone, while I was nine and a half for most of Emm's life. I lost all of the pregnancy weight within the first three months of breastfeeding, and then another three kilos (half a stone) soon after, she was just a very hungry baby I suppose!

It's strange, I was kind of worried during my pregnancy with Emm, about my breasts sagging, my waist disappearing, the dreaded jelly belly, but I was very lucky, and while I wouldn't mind my breasts being a little fuller, I actually like the softness of my belly. Proof of what my body did, grow a baby, cell by cell...

Well, I better finish this post so I can get some sleep, letting my body do its good work!

the little one's pursuits during our holiday at the grandparents'

2010-07-16T21:32:00.000+01:00

mostly exploring... on her own,

or with her cousin!

And playing hide and seek with the kittens!

Apart from that she spent a lot of time learning new words (by turning into a little parrot), eating, visiting the hens, the rabbits and the dog, and of course charming everybody around her. We also both got the stomach flu, suffered through a humid 37C degrees in the shade, and lost a bit of weight, but I'm sure it's not going to take us long to put it back on. Due to the heat and the flu we didn't do as much as we might have liked, but still, it was lovely to spend the time with family, and the weather meant there was a lot more hanging out time for everybody, anything non essential was put on hold as none of us were used to it and everybody was very mellow!

It's good to be home, I have so much more energy in about 20C degrees less, and while P was with us in Germany for the last 10 days, it's so nice to be back in our house, it's always a bit weird being in your parents' house with your own family...

Waiting for the flight home

2010-07-12T22:54:00.000+01:00

While we were waiting for our delayed flight home, Emm and I went for a few rounds with the stroller, in a vain attempt to get her to sleep. This storage building was transformed into a jewel by the setting sun, nearly imperceptibly the pattern on those window panes changed, ever so slowly...

home alone!

2010-06-05T15:50:00.003+01:00

P took Emm with him to his parents in the Midlands and I am home alone! For the first time since she was born, which is over nineteen months! I was worried sick about the two of them on the road for 2 hours, even though P is a very careful driver. But they arrived safe and sound and I'm a lot calmer now. I was craving a weekend of doing nothing, but i couldn't help but sweep and mop, and tidy away the laundry and put on some more, and to mow and fertilise the lawn.

Then I cycled to the veg shop, yes, cycled, just got on my bike and went, no buggy, no wrestling with car seats and keys, and mainly, no toddler to lift and carry! So easy!

So far I'm really enjoying my little holiday, it's strange to have the house to myself, to do what I want, with no demands on me. I even had crisps with my ham sandwich for lunch, I never do that when Emm's around as it would be setting a bad example for her.

I'd say it'll be very lonely tonight, but for now I'm happy as a piggy in sh*t, especially as the house isn't a pig sty! Usually the first thing Emm does in the morning, is to get at least half of all her toys out and spread them out all over the house. Later she'll insist on eating her snack at her own little table and as soon as I look away she'll be sneaking out and I'll find banana squashed into the sofa, and she'll carry in compost and grass from the garden... but today I'll only have to clean up after myself!

Some of the things I might do over my quiet weekend is to...

  go for a swim, the tide should be in soon
  start the next sookie stackhouse  novel
  eat lots of fresh strawberries with greek yoghurt
  sleep in for as long as I like
  shower for as long as I like
  paint my toenails
  surf the web uninterrupted
  have a mid day nap

But by this time tomorrow I think I'll be waiting at the door for my husband and daughter to arrive back!

June! And the sun is shining, too!

2010-06-02T11:08:00.000+01:00

I've managed to let all of May go by without a post. I have excuses though, we went to Germany for my sister's wedding, which was brilliant, even if it was extremely cold. 7 degrees in the afternoon is not a lot for mid May! Emm was supposed to be a flower girl, but she decided she'd rather hold on to the basket and keep all the petals to herself...

Thankfully we got to fly to Germany, we were worried we might have to go by ferry and car on a murderous 24 hour trip trying to make it in time for the big day. On the way home however we got delayed for two days because of the ash cloud, we didn't mind to much though, we knew before we'd set off for the airport, P could work from my parents' house and Emm and I got to spend another day with the family. My dad's birthday will be next hopefully the volcano will stay quiet for that!

After Germany, we had a week at home, before Emm and I headed off to Switzerland, with my friend Deborah, to visit friends of ours in the Alsace and in Zurich. We had a great time, although Deborah might have had quite enough of toddlers and babies! Emm took a real shine to her and was babbling Debbie-Debbie-Debbie all day long. She even talked about her in her sleep! The lives of the two friends are so different. The girl in Alsace moved there because of her husband's job, and he picked a run down house in a tiny village for them to live. She didn't have much influence on the decisions as at the time she was just after giving birth to their second child, and having a horrible time with breastfeeding (mostly due to undiagnosed thrush and lack of support from her hospital/GP/nurse). She's now stuck there in a dark and dingy house, with no friends, with nobody to talk to all day with a very lively 4 year old and a baby! The other friend is happy as a flea, having decided to move to Zurich after separating from her husband, meeting her new partner there and living in a bright and modern apartment with their new baby.

Now we're back home, with a mountain of laundry to do, but the sun is shining and we're in and out of the garden, hanging the washing, swinging, playing with stones and herbs... Emm loves the herbs, she picks bits of oregano and thyme and chews on them. If she tries to put stones in her mouth I have to be strict though, I say no quite sternly, take the stone away and bring her into the house with me. Hopefully she'll learn soon and I can be a bit more relaxed outside with her!

I just hear another load of washing finishing, so I better head off, to my probably boring, but very enjoyable life!!

mothers' night out

2010-05-04T22:39:00.001+01:00

We recently had one of our local mothers' nights out, as always great fun! It's amazing how having a baby changes your social life! Cut off your work mates by distance and change of schedule, the local mums replace the colleagues. They are the women who have the same problems and joys as yourself, instead of moaning about your boss you'll be moaning about your husbands (never in earnest though) and instead of lunch in town it's playdates at your neighbours'...

Recently we went out to a chinese restaurant that had a '4 courses and a bottle of wine for two' offer, which went down very well. The proprietor was happy to see a big group of lovely ladies take over the majority of his restaurant, and I could see the interest, and dollar signs in his eyes when he realised we weren't there to celebrate a birthday, or anything else for that matter, we were just there for a night out. The food was lovely, and the more energetic of us insisted we try a nightclub in the area.

The nightclub was some experience. It had recently been done up and looked promising, and we negotiated a reduced entrance fee, but once we were inside, the clientel and band slowly caught our attention! A trio of middle aged dolled up ladies were singing their hearts out on the stage, dressed in trendy sparkly dresses and leggings, hair and make up also much like you'd see at a 21st birthday party! My friend described one of them as a 'postmenopausal Pink'! Their voices were impressive, their dancing looked extremely tired and bored. Apparently they were big in the 80s, I wouldn't be surprised if their songs were recorded and just played back!

The guests were scary looking, to say the least! It felt like we'd walked into the set of 'shameless'! Hair was dyed either pitch black or snowy white (aka platinum blond taken to the extreme), emphasising the orangey brown make up (just like the band), big golden earrings were weighing down earlobes, competing for attention with clunky gold necklaces and rings. The age ranging from teenagers to pensioners (I think a birthday was being celebrated in one of the corners, that would also explain the extremely classy balloons on every table!).

Some of the older women looked like the kind that would be the boss in her prison common room, stocky, at first glance mistaken for a man, wearing leather blazers or checked shirts, and heavy work boots. Some of the young ones were sporting belly tops (showing off a post baby belly) and low slung jeans. We soon decided to try and avoid eye contact in case we'd provoke a fight, so I can't remember what the guys looked like!

After a few drinks however, we relaxed and had a great time, some of us even hitting the dance floor! Everybody in the place was just there to have a good time, scary outfits or not! I wonder if we looked pretentios to the other guests!

First night away from Emm for the two of us

2010-05-02T16:30:00.000+01:00

Last week P and I went to a wedding and stayed over! His mum came to babysit, and Emm didn't seem to be upset in the slightest when P and I left in our finery. While I was really reluctant, I've never left her with anyone but P overnight, and I only spent one night away from her so far, I have to say it was great after all! I couldn't resist to text hourly until she was asleep, but still, The ceremony was lovely (even though the priest kept calling the groom Ann instead of Alan!), the bride was stunning, the food delicious, and the drinks plentiful! I chatted to loads of people, even though I hardly knew anyone, and was on dancefloor for almost every song! It was a great night! We even lasted through another round of drinks in the residents' bar, and then hit the hay.

We had one of those hotel rooms with a double and a single. I woke up the next morning wondering about the pillow and folded duvet on the floor... Then I remembered! I woke up in the middle of the night thinking 'Oh no, Emm can't sleep in the single bed, she'll fall out!' I then decided to make her a bed on the floor, thinking 'good job she's still small, I can fold the duvet to make a mattress and a blanket!' Only when I looked for her in the double bed and she wasn't there did I remember that she was at home in her cot, safe and sound!

Thankfully I wasn't hungover at all, as I stuck to vodka and soda, apart from the wine and champagne early on, but I must have been drunk enough, to build a bed for the little one!

Emm had the biggest grin on her face when we came home, so sweet... She also started saying Granny now, even though it sounds more like gaddy! She's got about 80 English words now, and 45 German, we wrote down all the ones we could think of last week. I think that's not bad for 18 months. And she's started to walk on her own, which is so cute, she's so proud of herself!

No crafting done in ages, I hope I won't have to start her dress again, but maybe I should?? She hasn't put on any weight in ages, but she grows and grows, all her tops are getting too short, and she went from 3.5 to 4.5 in her shoe size in 8 weeks!

Anyhow, enough proud mammy babbling, I'm off to help my friend declutter her wardrobe!

i successfully ignored my bad mood today!

2010-04-15T22:53:00.000+01:00

i was so tired. and terribly premenstrual... moody, in need of ridiculous amounts of chocolate, crying at the newspaper i'm lining my compost bowl with... this morning i was tempted to not do anything, to stay at home and clean and tidy up and nap when emm sleeps and then laze about for the rest of the day.

but thankfully i changed my mind! instead i baked 16 carrot and pineapple buns, brought them up to mum&baby coffee morning and spent a lovely 2 hours, as did emm.
then, even though i'd more or less decided i wasn't going to go into town for my colleague's birthday lunch, i changed my mind, and called to say i'd be a little late, got petrol for the car and we went in! that way i just joined them for a dessert and coffee, instead of the whole wine and dine occasion, which would have been too expensive, and too long for emm to sit through! she had a great time playing with several of my colleagues, i got to catch up with my friends from work, and by four o'clock we were on our way back home, in great humour, and with possibly girly drinks planned for tomorrow night!

sometimes it's good to just ignore the tiredness and feeling down, and make the most of the day! err, probably always, really! as long as there's a smidgen of energy left in me!

the physical tiredness is catching up though, so i'll be off to bed now!

a perfect sunday afternoon

2010-04-11T23:43:00.000+01:00

After an already great Saturday with cycling (with Emm and my friend Deb) and lunch (where P joined us), today turned out to be lovely too! I finally mowed the lawn (as the ground isn't like a sponge anymore, yay!), in the meantime Emm crawled around the rest of the garden, which resulted in her first set of clothes doing the rounds in the washing mashine by half twelve.

Then we headed out for a surprisingly good value lunch in 'Seasons', to the pound shop for a bucket and spade, and then to the beach, where Emm had an absolute ball, as did her parents. She was so content, she loved everything, the sand, the seaweed, all the stones and shells, paddling in one of the low tide puddles... She conked on the way home in the car and was transferred to her bed without even blinking an eyelid. Which gave us time to mess around in the garden a little more. In the evening we just picked up some pizzas, as we were all drunk on sunlight and fresh air.

We'll have to be good for the rest of the week and bring packed lunches and no more ordering out, the quota for eating out and lazy food is definitely used up already! Thankfully I have a stew ready to be finished tomorrow and fridge and pantry are stocked well.

Such a treat, a whole sunny weekend! My freckles have come out, my toenails are painted, I daresay, summer is here! Hopefully it'll be a good one for a change!

bread

2010-04-08T14:55:00.000+01:00

After lots of cookie baking i made some easter bread to bring down to the inlaws last weekend, it's a lightly sweetened white yeast bread dough, with sultanas and raisins mixed through, glazed with a mix of honey and butter. The eggs in the centre are died with red onion skins (not really the colour i was expecting) and the chocolate bugs and bunnies are from germany.

I'd love to be the type to bake my own bread every other day, but unfortunately I'm not... Luckily our local shop recently started to sell Aisling Bakery Breads, they do a great 'Turnover', it's only a euro and has all of four ingredients: Flour, water, yeast and salt. It's really delicious! And only on Tuesday I discovered they also started to sell Soul Bakery Breads, the fancy, fruity ones! I got a Raisin and Apricot loaf, no added sugar, no crap, but it's so sweet and lovely, especially toasted, spread with a bit of salted butter! I hope it's not a once off and they'll continue to offer them!

I've just put Emm to sleep and better start thinking about what we'll have for dinner tonight and make a shopping list...

IKEA bootie

2010-04-04T00:12:00.000+01:00

Hours of unpacking and assembling later (I can feel my arm and shoulder muscles something shocking!) here we are with our new set up! I think I will need an oilcloth tablecloth, as the veneer won't last long with Emm at the table! It looks lovely and uncluttered, although it'll take some getting used to. It's so stark and dark, whereas my old table and chairs were light and warm...

But there is so much more space now, and the table extends out on two sides, so we'll still be able to have people over for dinner (hence the two extra chairs in the corner (they'll go into the attic for my sewing table and the desk (formerly known as kitchen table). It's nice to properly sit 'around the table' as a family now, before it was always one of us sitting next to Emm, which was really awkward for helping her eat.

The dark furniture brings out the dark bits in the wooden floors, and the lower design makes the room look higher, but at the moment the focus is really drawn down, I will have to get some dark picture frames, and maybe some wallmounted shelves (scary, with our hollow walls...), so there is a bit of contrast above 'waist level' in the room! The kitchen and dining area don't flow as well any more. I was all for getting the light ash colour, but P loved the dark, and it goes better with the chairs. We didn't go for the Tobias chairs in the end, it's very wide and bulky.

Emm's new shoes

2010-04-03T23:17:00.000+01:00

Aren't they too cute? I got them 2 weeks ago for her! She sometimes takes off her much more expensive proper pre-walkers and brings me these to put on her!

busy busy

2010-04-01T16:25:00.003+01:00

we've been keeping busy here, no crafting to speak of, but visitors from germany, childminding, visits to P's parents and lots of cooking and baking.

today we've got a trip to ikea planned, to look at the bjursta table and the tobias chair, and to get an antilop (for little visitors, and to bring down with us when we visit p's parents (we usually go on a sunday when the house is quite full, and there's always a short supply of chairs, so bringing the handysitt is not an option))

oh, i just saw the new chair by handysitt! http://www.minui.com/Products---UK-190.aspx?ProductID=PROD16&VariantID= together with the seat (that we already have) it makes a high chair, or it can be used on its own! http://www.minui.com/Products---UK-190.aspx?ProductID=PROD14&VariantID=

if we go for the ikea chairs, it'll be quite a shift towards the modern from our relatively traditional current dining furniture. the table isn't ideal, i much prefer solid wood to veneer, and i prefer slightly tapered legs, but we're looking for a smaller table that we can extend, only when needed, as the dining area is so small and emm loves to drive her little car and hopefully soon she'll be walking and running, too! we don't want to spend too much money, as in a few years we hopefully will be able to extend out the back and make a dining room there.

We need to talk about Kiev...

2010-03-13T23:03:00.004Z

...is the title of this Irish Times article by Domini Kemp, on Chicken Kiev!

I made both the Kievs and the salad with mustard dressing today, yum yum!

Emm loved the salad! I gave her the crunchy bits of the cos leaves, and some of the dressing as a dip, and she ate it all! I made the dressing with lemon juice, instead of vinegar, and as I'm not keen on graininess of our wholegrain mustard, i whizzed the dressing up with the liquidiser, causing the cream to start looking whipped! The finished product looked a lot like thin mayonnaise, but mmmh, so much more delicious! I substituted fresh tarragon with dried, and added more lemon juice at the end.

I had to make the Kievs without the pine nuts, as I wasn't going to spend 6 quid on rancid looking kernels in the supermarket (they'd gone brown at the tip, that's not normal, is it? (Don't get me started on the yoghurt I accidentally bought, not looking at the best before date, it's only just 4 weeks and 2 days out of date! I wonder do they not check the dairy shelves at all, ever, or are they deliberately trying to sell it anyways? Grocery Customer Services weren't even apologetic or surprised when I called them afterwards! They just said, 'Ah, yes, come in with your receipt and we'll refund you.')).

The Chicken Kievs were quite work intensive to make, But I now have some lovely homemade garlic butter in the freezer, and 2 more chicken kievs and 2 'chicken tenders', which is nice to know. The kievs turned out lovely, really moist, with a crispy coating. The cooking time in the recipe didn't work for us at all though, it said to bake them for ten minutes, after frying golden on both sides, but it took nearly 20 minutes and we lost some precious garlic butter in the process of checking if they were done.

The recipe said to just serve the chicken and salad, but in keeping with German and Irish tradition I made some potatoes too, which by the way were great with the dressing!

Off to Bogland tomorrow...

mmmmmh Buchweizentorte (buckwheat cake)

2010-03-11T16:29:00.007Z

I had 7 toddlers, 2 babies and several mums in my house this morning, pandemonium! My little one learned to climb onto the armchair and the coffee table and to open the patio door! (probably from the other kiddies!) . She had to run off her sugar rush (loads of raisins, carrot&pineapple muffins, cowboy cookies and mini rice cakes) before her sleep, but she went down eventually!

I used the time to peel raisins off the floor, sweep and mop the whole place, wipe down the furniture, do the dishes and put on a wash (I know, my life isn't very exciting...), and now am deservedly sitting down with a coffee and a slice of buckwheat cake, marveling at what a perfect combination of flavours it is!! So good I had to post about it immediately! The recipe is from the back of the flour bag, with some improvements my mum came up with over time.

Buckwheat cake (Buchweizentorte)

Beat

5 egg whites until stiff, set aside. Beat

5 egg yolks with

150g caster sugar until creamy.

Sift

45g self raising flour,

45g buckwheat flour and

1/2 level teaspoon baking powder, add to egg and sugar mix, and stir until just combined.

Carefully fold in the egg whites and pour the mix into a lined spring form (about 9in diameter)

Bake at 175C for about 30 min in a fan oven, or about 40 min in a normal oven, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean.

Leave to cool under a clean tea towel.

For the filling you will need

about 200g (half a jar) cranberry sauce (LIDL do a good one, it's called either cranberry sauce or Preiselbeeren),

about 300ml (single/whipping) cream and

25-50g good dark chocolate (60% cocoa is perfect).

Whip the cream and chop or shave the chocolate. Cut your cake into two slices (three if you are able to, I'm no good at it! You'll need more filling if you do three)

Spread the bottom half with cranberry sauce and a layer of cream. Put the other half on top, spread with cream (you can cover the sides as well if you like) and sprinkle with chocolate. Go mad and do fancy little cream puffs with your piping bag if you like, and/or decorate with more of the cranberry sauce!

Keep chilled until serving, ideally for a few hours. Still very tasty on the second day, but don't count on any being left!

cowboy cookies

2010-02-27T17:24:00.006Z

I made the cowboy cookies from 'vegan cookies invade your cookie jar'! They are so good!

The first batch I made with almonds, 60% chocolate from LIDL, and desiccated coconut, I didn't have ground flax seeds so i liquidised some golden linseeds with the soy milk, and it did turn to a gel like liquid as described in the book. The cookies turned out delicious, if a little dense.

The second batch was made as the 'cowgirl cookie' variation, and i replaced 1/4 cup milk and 1tblsp ground flax seeds with 1 egg. The cookies are even more delicious, a little crunchier and lighter.

I've given loads of them away, to friends, and P brought some into work, and the rest are in my cake tin. I hadn't heard of cowboy cookies before, they are my new favourites. Next time I'm going to try freeze some of the dough, so i can make them fresh really quickly, when I have guests.

Other news, Emm is standing up on her own! And teething worse than ever, the poor mite!

I spy in the night sky don't I

2010-02-19T22:34:00.000Z

Phoebe Io Elara Leda Callisto Sinope
Janus Dione Portia so many moons ... (blur - far out)

I got to try out 'google sky map' on an android phone, so cool! You point it at the sky and it tells you what stars you're looking at! Magical...

I don't know if my phone has a compass, but I hope it does, and that somebody writes this app for those of us who don't possess a geek phone (as i like to call the nexus and it's android companions)...

another knitting lunch break, and pancakes

2010-02-17T23:43:00.000Z

As the weather was so nice Emm and I went to the seaside again, after a not so exciting trip to B&Q to get sealant for the leaking toilet (blurgh). Emm fell asleep on the way there so I got an hours knitting on her "little sister's dress", while looking out at the sea and sky and passersby. And eating mini chocolate rice cakes. after that we went for a walk, and to discover that the shoe shop that used to do the 'startrite' kids shoes, doesn't do any childrens shoes any more! And that the special offer of 1€ Johnson&Johnson wipes in the local shop excluded the unperfumed ones. Coming to terms with the fact that this just wasn't going to be a fun shopping day we went to the play ground, where Emm had lots of fun on the swings, and she walked all the way back to the car, still mostly insisting on two hands (my back is sore, I hope she'll get a little braver soon, we're practising lots so fingers crossed).

I'm so grateful to have my own car, it's such a treat!

Oh, yes, Pancake Tuesday, we had german style pancakes (big thin ones), with a creamed spinach filling (bacon, garlic, chili, spinach, cream, nutmeg, and some leftover grated mozarella). No photos unfortunately, and for dessert we had the leftover pancakes with real maple syrup! the shop assistant was trying to get me to buy the cheaper syrup, he felt guilty for the price difference, not realising that the cheaper one wasn't maple syrup at all, but golden syrup with maple flavouring! I try and stay away from artificial flavours as much as I can! I'd rather buy the real stuff, once a year, than have the cheap one all year round! Emm quite liked the spinach pancakes, we rolled them up for her, but she preferred the maple syrup ones!

So weird, Pancake Tuesday, I know a good few people here, that eat pancakes only on Pancake Tuesday! In Germany there's no such thing, everybody is either tired out from karneval, or still celebrating Fasnacht/Fasching! When I was a kid, we had pancakes about twice a week, and now my mum still makes some at least once a week, more often if her grandkids are over. She serves them with molasses or jam, as a special treat we sometimes got fried banana with them, but in the days before non stick pans it was a lot of extra cleaning up!

In the area I come from there's also buckwheat pancakes, a very savoury affair, quite bitter! They are made with coffee, water, eggs and the buckwheat flour (and salt if you're not using bacon), and fried in lard or oil, with tiny pieces of bacon thrown in. They are very thin and crispy, and we had them regularly when my granny was still doing the cooking.

The savoury pancakes came into the picture in college, spinach soon becoming my favourite. They were such a quick and easy dinner to make, not too expensive, and getting some protein and other useful things into me, and using up lots of veg from the fridge.

And tonight, we had shredded duck and pancakes, the chinese kind! You know, the really thin little pancakes, spread with hoi sin sauce, thin slivers of cucumber and spring onion, then rolled up with the duck meat? So yummie, a bit naughty, but we had some steamed broccoli, too, to balance it all out!

black bean burgers

2010-02-13T22:52:00.002Z

Mmmh, I made these mini black bean burgers today, they were really nice! I had to use black bean sauce, that was the closest to fermented black beans I could get locally! I also couldn't get maple syrup, so used golden syrup for the sauce, I added some sweet chili sauce as well.

I soaked the black beans for a whole day and then simmered them for several hours, I really have to start cooking more beans at a time and then freezing them, or maybe start cooking them in the oven when I am making something else. I wonder is it more environmentally friendly to buy tinned beans?

We had half for our lunch (Emm had less chili in her sauce), the other half I packed up for my friend H, who's going on an early flight tomorrow. I made her a little lunch bag, with the burgers, dipping sauce, some mini carrot&pineapple muffins, an apple, a few nuts and raisins and some mini chocolate bars. She's a vegetarian, and travelling with a small child, so her airport food options are limited.

I'm looking forward to making these again, I think I'll make double the amount, they will make great snacks for Emm and me, and lunches for P.

simple fun

2010-02-10T22:55:00.002Z

I never thought babies like their play pens, but our Emm definitely does! She actually brings me over to it and points and says 'oggy', which means 'up', or 'down', depending on where she is! We then have some fun, pulling her around in the balls, and putting her upside down, while she giggles. When she's calmed down a little she starts to choose balls, one by one, and chuck them over the edge, saying 'o-oh!' (Giving me precious time to knit a few rows, or check my mail, or run up to the bathroom). After 10 or 15 minutes she usually has enough and I take her out and we throw all the balls back in.

Initially we had just 50 balls, with a little foldable ball pit (one of her many christmas presents), but they weren't even covering the floor, so I went to the toy shop and got a bag of a hundred! She's getting so much fun out of this, and there's no batteries, no recorded voices, just colourful spheres... And in summer, if we get any decent warm weather, we can put some into a paddling pool! Ok, maybe not, if the last few summers are anything to go by.

Chai Mix

2010-02-10T22:29:00.000Z

thanks to angry chicken i made this chai concentrate! I didn't have ground cardamom, so i cleaned my coffee mill by grinding some rice in it, and then ground some green cardamom pods, unfortunately not to a fine powder... but i managed to strain out the shell pieces. i used freshly grated nutmeg, and I might have overdone it a little, my chai was definitely nutmeggy! i might add more cinnamon and cloves to the mix, but i'm giving it another while, to see does the flavour change a little in the next few days.

my knitting needle broke!

2010-02-06T01:18:00.003Z

i was using these knitpro interchangeable circular needles and i was just trying to fasten one of them again as it kept coming loose (i mustn't have used the cable key properly) and it just snapped! and they are my only 3.25mm needles, so the 'little sister's dress' is on ice for the moment, and it's the weekend, i was really looking forward to making some progress...

well, i'm going to bed.

Update 06-Feb-2010: I was lying! I did have more 3.25mm needles, I found 2 sets of 4 double pointed ones, so now I'm knitting with 7 dpns!! Bit of a pain, but better than nothing!

Update 10-Mar-2010: After a visit to This is Knit, to buy new circular needles, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that I hadn't been doing anything wrong (always good to know) and also, that I won't have to pay for a replacement! Should get a phone call to say the replacement arrived, any day now! This is great, Thanks girls!

Great sunshiny day

2010-02-05T22:15:00.003Z

We had a great sunshiny day today! I decided to drop a book back to the library and take Emm for a walk by the sea, she fell asleep on the way so I decided to have a little knitting lunch break for myself! Listening to classical music on the radio and looking out at this...

Seaside lunch break
Originally uploaded by tulpenpink

When she woke up we went for a walk, it was quite windy so we went into the town for some lunch, just us two girls! We sat outside a cafe in the sun and had gorgeous fish pie, chatting to the ladies at the other table who were besotted with my little girl. Everybody was so friendly, a sunny day does that to people over here! I had a nice coffee, Emm and I shared a macaroon, yum, yum! And then we had to get some foodshopping done.

Thinking what a great day we'd had, I arrived at home, only to see my friend Cate pulling up outside, I hadn't seen her in over a week so we had tea, banana bread and a good chat in the house and Emm was over the moon, as always when she sees Cate (who's a primary teacher and brilliant with kids). Then we all went across to my Neighbour V, where we got more tea, and biscuits, and the kids had a ball.

M had no trouble going to sleep tonight and my beloved brought home some really good chips after football, and we had them with spicy chicken wings that I'd put in the oven earlier, mmmh! So good, so bad and so easy!

He's off to the pub with his football mates now, so I'm enjoying some online time and some more knitting! Life is good!

strong bones without dairy?

2010-02-04T21:59:00.001Z

I was visiting my neighbour today, so our little daughters could play together, or, as the seem to prefer at this age, play on their own while eyeing each other up suspiciously every now and then, and to take toys and treats away from each other!

We were talking about their diets, and Abby was saying her daughter used to hardly eat anything, it was a battle to get any food into her, even when the granny tried to give her ice cream and other treats, she'd just have a nibble and then walk away from it. Until she talked to a nutritionist who advised her to take her 14 months old daughter off dairy! She was really reluctant to do it, because of all the general advice out there, stressing they have to drink loads of milk. After some deliberation and with a list of other foods containing calcium, she went ahead with it, and could not believe the change it made! within a few days her daughter took to her food, enjoying all her meals and snacks! She suspects the milk and formula was making her feel full or queasy, so she never felt like eating, and now, without, she's got an appetite.

While Emm loves all her food, she does have eczema on her wrists, behind her knees and on her ankles. I'm pretty sure it has to do with teething, as it gets worse whenever she has other teething symptoms, too, but I wonder would taking her off dairy make a difference? I'm generally suspect of messing with babys' and toddlers' diets, but she doesn't actually like to drink milk, so I wonder is that a sign? She does like her milky porridge though, and cheese and yoghurt, and whipped cream (surprise, surprise!)...

We feed her a diet of mostly unprocessed, natural foods, withing reason. Milk alternatives, like soy milk, are very processed, and I'd prefer not to introduce new artificial foods to replace (relatively) natural foods, like milk, but if it improved her eczema, it might be worth it?

I tried to google the topic but the amount of sites from animal activists, calcium supplement manufacturers and old school pediatricians is overwhelming, so I don't know where to get info on calcium content, and also quite importantly, calcium absorption rates, without spending hours researching and copying data into spreadsheets...

I'm worried about her calcium intake, and vitamin D, too, but I wonder how much of that is fueled by dairy council propaganda... Nutrition really is a mine field, once you start thinking about it, taking into account protein intake, vitamin D levels, absorption rates... But at the same time, we all seem to do reasonably well on our less than perfect diets!

making boxty

2010-02-03T23:27:00.000Z

A little treat for lunch today... unfortunately they didn't turn out the way I remembered them! I had a recipe, but I never wrote it down! I was making them quite regularly for my husband in the early days of our relationship, trying to impress him! I'm still fairly sure it was 5 potatoes, 1tsp of baking soda, a pinch of salt, and then flour and milk, but their quantities i can't remember! Today I went with 3 tblsp of flour and an unmeasured amount of milk, and they turned out a little too soft. But I'm not sure now was it the temperature (too hot, not cooking them long enough) or did I maybe put in too much milk, or maybe the amount of flour was all wrong too? I don't know!

Does anybody have an all-raw-potatoe boxty recipe? This one I got from Peter's granny, who sadly passed away last year. It was one of those 'a few of these - a bit of that' recipes grannies like to give out, because they've spent some 60 years cooking it, there's just no measuring necessary!

my current knitting project - little sister's dress

2010-02-03T13:23:00.000Z

I'm probably mad, knitting a dress or vest for a toddler, she's only going to rub food into it! but we'll see, she might magically turn into well behaved little lady! The pattern is "little sister's dress" from tora-froseth-design

quick spaghetti carbonara

2010-02-02T15:36:00.000Z

Today Emm and I had spaghetti carbonara for our lunch. I make it this way:

whisk 2-3 eggs, a tblsp of milk or cream (optional), pepper, nutmeg and some grated parmesan together (you don't need salt because of the bacon!).

cook some spaghetti in plenty of salted water, towards the end of the cooking time add some frozen peas.

chop some bacon or rashers and fry until crispy.

drain the spaghetti and peas, and immediately add them and the bacon to the egg mix, stir around until the egg begins to set (the heat from the pasta is cooking the egg, but make sure you use fresh eggs from a trusted source!)

serve!

a night out and yummie soup

2010-01-31T18:07:00.002Z

I made this yellow split pea soup today, it turned out lovely, fresh and lemony, and the ginger gives it a nice kick! We had it for lunch, and Emm had some cold basmati rice mixed into hers. She absolutely loved it. I also made the broccoli and dipping sauce, but I had to substitute sherry for mirin, and lemon juice for lime, and my soy sauce was dark, it turned out quite dark and bitter. Might try it again some time, if I can ever get a hold of Mirin or Sake!

The soup is really healthy, lots of garlic and ginger and lemon juice, and pulses. It was quite filling, too! I like to cook vegetarian and dairy free some days. I like meat and fish, but don't need it every day by any means! I worry about getting enough protein, iron and calcium though, especially for Emm. Going meat free some days means I can buy better quality meat, and free range on the other days. When I buy free range chicken I make the most of it and get 3 meals out of one, plus chicken stock.

On Friday Night I spent my first night away from Emm! She was 15 months yesterday, if you count the pregnancy as well I have spent every night with her for the last two years! I was a bit apprehensive, but we had a good night with the girls, out in town, and three of us stayed in a hotel, they had a special offer on that made it as cheap to stay in the hotel as to get a taxi home, so we decided to enjoy our hangovers in peace! we got back to the hotel around 3, and spent another hour taking silly photographs and falling over laughing and drinking tea (there was no mini bar :-( ). It took me another hour to get to sleep while the other two slept as soon as they hit the pillow. I'm surprised I turned out to be the kind of mother that finds it hard to be seperated from her child, I always thought I'd happily leave them for a long weekend! Although the other girls told me it gets a lot easier when you have two!

Knowing she was safe with P helped, of course, I still can't imagine leaving her with anybody but my mother, if P and I wanted a weekend away together...

Did I mention I finished breastfeeding a month ago? She doesn't seem to miss it at all! We were down to just the morning feed, I think it helped that it wasn't the evening feed, it was easy to distract her in the morning, she must have been ready to give up i suppose. The main reason I gave up is to get a chance to maybe have another baby soon! I feel passionate about breastfeeding, so few babies in Ireland get to nurse, the statistics are quite sad! I'm sad to be finished, but I'm glad we got to 14 months after such a difficult start!

what's in a name?

2010-01-29T01:15:00.000Z

I decided to change my blogging name! Péitseoga, the Irish version of my nickname, has some disadvantages, namely the fada (the accent on the e) and also pronounciation, also, I feel I should have a more German sounding name... so, 'Irmhild', I decided, is sufficiently German sounding, easy to spell, and to pronounce! ...and I like the sound of it!

I'm doing this on a whim, and might regret it, but I have posted so little lately, nobody's going to miss Péitseoga!! The blog name will change to 'tulpenpink'. It's German for 'pink tulips'. Tulips always put a smile on my face, brave little things, sticking their heads out on a cold grey winter's day!

nearly forgot!

2010-01-27T23:09:00.000Z

the mittens!!

and the wool i used was manos del uruguay silk blend. so nice to work with!

stella pixie hat and yoga

2010-01-27T22:10:00.000Z

Oh it's been a long time since I last posted! I just don't seem to have the time to read and post... During the day the lap top is off limits as M likes to take the keys off it with her little fingers, and if I don't let her she gets very annoyed! And in the evenings (if I'm not out), after the dishes and tidying up, I'm often so tired, blog reading or writing is just not on the agenda! I did however manage to knit this 'stella pixie hat'

and I am currently working on a 'little sister's dress'. It requires a lot more concentration than the hat did, but I'm ready for a challenge!

On Monday I went to my first yoga class in over 15 months, the last one being my last pregnancy yoga session! I felt like it was the first time i did something relaxing for just myself since I've had M! I was lying on the mat, focusing on my breathing, and of course wasn't actually supposed to think about anything, but this thought popped into my mind!

I'm very excited about starting yoga again, it just feels like I deserve doing something for myself! I'm hoping to find an audio CD to help me practise at home, too, something I haven't done with any of my previous yoga classes over the years. But now, I am actually at home during the day, and most days there is an hour where I could maybe fit 20 minutes of exercise in, if I put my mind to it! Usually I use M's nap time to catch up on laundry and dishes and tidying, but maybe it would do me good to take some time, and calm down and focus on just one thing at a time.

I'm reading (when I'm getting to read) 'buddhism for mothers' at the moment, and I hope to bring some mindfulness into my life. It'll be hard for a seasoned multitasker and well known scatterbrain like me, but I hope it'll benefit my parenting, and our quality of life! Time is flying so fast, and I worry my career break will be over in a flash and I won't have used it as best I could, if I just carry on being dragged through my days by trying to catch up with housework and little tasks, while keeping lots of random thoughts and lists in my head and never really being in the moment, enjoying time with my daughter. It's often only moments, one moment during the whole day, where I realise how lucky I am to have this time with her, and that I haven't been fully there all day!

before and after pictures (the attic conversion)

2009-11-24T23:00:00.000Z

hall

guest room

attic

christmas ornaments

2009-11-24T22:58:00.000Z

little santa hat, pattern on ravelry
tiny sock (cast on 8 stitches!) the original pattern is also from ravelry, but i changed it quite a bit.

these are going into an advent calendar that us stitch and bitch girls are making for one of us, who's moving abroad. i'd say the tiny sock would be great on a card, too!

armchair cover

2009-11-24T17:53:00.000Z

here we are, the armchair cover, finally finished! it's not great though... i made lots of mistakes, and i'm not that happy with the fabric, maybe the print is a little too big, really... it's a nice splash of colour though!

power cut

2009-10-25T12:06:00.000Z

We had a power cut last night, 9 hours! It was a nice evening actually, maybe we should voluntarily switch the power off every now and then! Emm had her first candle lit dinner, and loved it! Our neighbours dropped by for a cup of tea (gas hob, how lucky!) the stayed, so we ordered pizza, opened a bottle of wine, then we got out the cards and played '110'. It was so nice and relaxed, no distractions, no fussing or cooking (didn't want the fridge to get warm!), no background noise, just candles and friends. when they left, we looked up at a beautiful starlit sky, we rarely get to see the stars properly, because of the light pollution! i wonder will there be a baby boom in the area, in 9 months time!

a new room!!!

2009-10-23T23:06:00.000+01:00

wo-hoo! the builders are gone and we are left with this new room, and lots of storage, and a lot of walls and ceilings and woodwork to paint! (and still a lot of dust, i've started to get rid of it, but it's literally on every surface and with a teething baby clinging to me it's not an easy job!) am thrilled, hoping we'll get two desks in there, one for p's computer, one for my sewing machine, and a sofa bed, eventually, or a futon that can be made into a seat. or maybe just an armchair, and keep space for a blow up bed? we'll see. as we'll be pretty broke once we've paid the builder it might be a while before we get it all kitted out...

dust dust dust...

2009-10-21T21:45:00.000+01:00

my whole house is covered in dust! but on the upside, the attic is nearly finished! there's plastered walls and ceilings, there's stairs, and doors and cubby holes! there are still a lot of bits to be done, the devil's in the detail, but it's great to see it progressing. i'm truly sick of tasting plaster dust. or saw dust. or glass wool when i'm stepping into the hall! can't wait for it all to be finished...

then i can move all the boxes out of the living room, and start thinking about moving books, and the sewing machine and the computer! i'll have a less cluttered downstairs (hopefully it'll last for a little while!) and i might be able to host one of the mother and baby coffee mornings (so far i haven't dared, as there's too much too break, and too many dangerous things stuffed into bags and boxes in the corners and behind the couch).

i used to not mind having a small house (1000sqft or 93sqm, i think), but since Emm came along it seems to have shrunk! the study was made into her room, so all the things happening and being stored in there have been moved downstairs. then there's all of M's toys, the buggy, the play pen, the bobby car... we'll be banning our grown up stuff to the attic, computer games and sewing sessions will take place there, and a whole lot of stuff can go up. oh, and ideally there will still be space for a guest bed!! because little Emm is nearly a year old and there will be guests for her birthday party!

peaceful lunchbreak

2009-10-07T22:07:00.000+01:00

as we are getting our attic converted m and i were escaping so she could have a sleep, not possible in the house, where the builders were making noise right above her head. i got myself a coffee, sandwich and cupcake (eek 10 quid! not going to be doing that every day!!), parked up at the sea side and listened to lyric fm while having my lunch. m slept for about an hour, then i wrapped her up warm and we went for a long walk, taking a break to have a cuddle and for her to have a feed. i still enjoy feeding her so much, but am getting more and more comments "you're STILL feeding her?" and "WHEN are you going to stop". Well it's national breastfeeding week here, this week, and while i didn't make it to a special coffee morning (apparently there was one in IKEA) i did nurse her on a bench, in the sun, overlooking the sea, and maybe somebody walked by and thought how happy the two of us looked, and considers breastfeeding their next baby, or encourages their wife to feed. only 55% of women in ireland attempt to breastfeed, but even this small number drops significantly as there is no sufficient support available, and family, partner and friends often aren't supportive, either... here a few links of organisations that are trying to change this and make it easier to have a good breastfeeding experience in ireland:

http://www.breastfeeding.ie/
http://friendsofbreastfeeding.wordpress.com/
http://www.lalecheleagueireland.com/
http://www.cuidiu-ict.ie/

and these are some great sites for general breastfeeding support

http://www.drjacknewman.com/
http://www.kellymom.com/

a weekend of activity

2009-10-04T23:34:00.000+01:00

this weekend we cleaned up the garden and the shed, and then proceeded to clear our attic (a lot of it is now in the shed, which of course you can't see in the photo! i cleverly took that before we started moving in junk from the attic). together with our neighbours we hired a skip, and it's fairly packed now! we came across loads of giant spiders, oil for a motorbike (we've never owned one!), broken garden tools, a shed door, pieces of carpet from 4 years ago... the things you hold onto... the attic especially was scary, it's where things get thrown and then forgotten... out of sight out of mind. i labeled almost every box and crate that went back into the shed, hoping we'll have more of an idea of what's there.

now i've got to clear the guest room, so we can begin the next adventure: the attic conversion! i'm so excited. we'd gotten quotes for it a few years ago, but prices then were mad, and we had nowhere near enough saved up. but we contacted lots of builders again this summer, and prices have come down! it's going to be an inconvenient 3-4 weeks, emm and i will be out of the house as much as we can, but i'm hoping it'll be worth it. i went to see some attics in the same type house as ours, we'll lose some space from the guest room, but we'll gain a decent extra room, and storage. since emm's arrival we've had no study, and we have to keep the guest room for our parents and relatives, so the computer, the sewing machine and lots of other things are cluttering up our downstairs space, making it difficult, and maybe also unsafe, for emm to crawl around. she seems to be able to reach new heights every day! i feel like i'm constantly moving things out of her reach! eventually the guest room will be in the attic, well, if we brave the adventure of trying for a second baby!

picasa 3.5 - great fun to be had

2009-09-23T23:38:00.000+01:00

i downloaded the new version this eveningand of course had to try the face tagging. the pictures on my harddrive are mostly family photographs and it's great fun to see who's getting tagged as who! you get to confirm or decline. it's making me feel woozy, seeing so many versions of one person's face...

http://picasa.google.com/