Sunday, October 24, 2010

a break from worrying ourselves sick

we're making a conscious effort not to worry ourselves sick this weekend. It's not long now until the tests, the MRI is on Tuesday, and the eye exam under general anaesthetic (including fluorescein angiography). We've done all the googling we could, and talked every day about what it could be and how it might affect her, and I've cried every day, and lay awake every night, and it hasn't changed a bit about her eyes. I'm so glad I got through to a nurse that took the time to pull Emm's file and explain what the consultant wrote and what tests she ordered!

We're now doing what we knew we should be doing all along, look after her and care for her and let her have fun, and not pull ourselves apart worrying about things we can't change. It's ironic, that we got the news just after I finished reading 'eat pray love' a book all about acceptance and living in the moment, and everything i'd learnt went right out the window... But I'm getting back to it.

We've made no plans, we're just at home, spending time with her, playing, baking (apple cake), cooking (chicken and chorizo gumbo (loosely based on this recipe, ignoring the turf and using free range chicken portions instead)), going into the garden, the beach, a birthday party yesterday... this evening we've put down a nice fire, the first this autumn, and let Emm stay up a little longer, letting her enjoy the fire. She was playing with her Clipo bricks, for a good hour and a half, chatting non stop, repeating all the words and phrases she learnt today.

I'm not making plans for her birthday next week, we'll play it by ear. There will be a small party of course, and  a cake with candles, and her auntie and uncle are coming for the weekend, but I'm not planning a big party for all her toddler friends. We've also ignored Halloween so far! But we might get a pumpkin tomorrow, and we're going to look for shoes for her, so maybe we'll find a little costume, too!

Now, back to enjoying the fire and talking to my husband, and paying some attention to the kicks from my unborn!


  1. Oh my heart.
    I came here to say hi and thanks for all your sweet comments. It's been such a long time since I popped by, Irmhild. And now this! There are no words of comfort at all, really are there? My heart goes out to you. I really, truly hope all goes well with you and things turn out not so bad as you thought. I cannot imagine what it must be like. Every parents nightmare.
    Warmest hugs and every blessing to you all. Love Ciara x

  2. Oh no, I didn't know :(

    I hope everything goes smoothly and well. Give me a shout if you want to talk/sob xx hugs*

  3. I think we're all rooting for you! I definitely am. What a rotten long wait. They really should do these things the same day...

  4. @Ciara thanks, it really is a parent's worst nightmare, being a parent really opens you up to a whole new level of feeling vulnerable...

    @Jo: thanks!

    @Mwa: They probably do! In Belgium or Germany!