How cool are these?

I know, this blog is all over the place, on one hand there's all the scary stuff about the children's health, on the other there's us trying to have a life that's not defined by that. So, we're getting on with trying to speed up appointments, filling in forms, reading up on the next possible complications, but also going to the beach, flying kites, playing hide and seek with Emm, cooing at Ti, P going swimming, me signing up for the mini marathon in June and starting to go out for run-walks (a minute of running and then walking until I have my breath back!). I'd love to find a yoga class that fits into our schedule.

One of the many things on today's to do list was to buy stamps, and I discovered these!

http://www.irishstamps.ie/shop/p-968-stamp-set.aspx

Orla Kiely stamps!! How cool are these! Definitely cheering me up.

things that make me happy this week

finding myself having proper conversations with Emm
chicken gumbo, yum...
seeing Emm eat loads of it, chased with steamed broccoli, and declaring it 'the best dinner ever'
my sleeping babe
having spare energy again! today used to make a batch of cowboy cookies

the lengthening days
feeling warmth from the sun
the spring cleaning urge, even if i don't actually get to do much about it, i can feel it and am full of ideas on how to better use our space, and do tiny little projects, whatever i can get done in 5 minutes...
feeding Ti, with ease, and no pain,
the calm disposition that comes with breastfeeding
the great rack that comes with breastfeeding!
seeing Emm look after Ti
seeing Ti look up at Emm
Pancake Tuesday (even if pancakes are way more often on the menu in this house!)

a break from worrying ourselves sick

we're making a conscious effort not to worry ourselves sick this weekend. It's not long now until the tests, the MRI is on Tuesday, and the eye exam under general anaesthetic (including fluorescein angiography). We've done all the googling we could, and talked every day about what it could be and how it might affect her, and I've cried every day, and lay awake every night, and it hasn't changed a bit about her eyes. I'm so glad I got through to a nurse that took the time to pull Emm's file and explain what the consultant wrote and what tests she ordered!

We're now doing what we knew we should be doing all along, look after her and care for her and let her have fun, and not pull ourselves apart worrying about things we can't change. It's ironic, that we got the news just after I finished reading 'eat pray love' a book all about acceptance and living in the moment, and everything i'd learnt went right out the window... But I'm getting back to it.

We've made no plans, we're just at home, spending time with her, playing, baking (apple cake), cooking (chicken and chorizo gumbo (loosely based on this recipe, ignoring the turf and using free range chicken portions instead)), going into the garden, the beach, a birthday party yesterday... this evening we've put down a nice fire, the first this autumn, and let Emm stay up a little longer, letting her enjoy the fire. She was playing with her Clipo bricks, for a good hour and a half, chatting non stop, repeating all the words and phrases she learnt today.

I'm not making plans for her birthday next week, we'll play it by ear. There will be a small party of course, and  a cake with candles, and her auntie and uncle are coming for the weekend, but I'm not planning a big party for all her toddler friends. We've also ignored Halloween so far! But we might get a pumpkin tomorrow, and we're going to look for shoes for her, so maybe we'll find a little costume, too!

Now, back to enjoying the fire and talking to my husband, and paying some attention to the kicks from my unborn!

blackberries and cookies

http://www.flickr.com/photos/markhillary/

We went picking blackberries today, yum... A friend of mine, Kate, recently bought a new house, on a bit of land, which happens to be covered in brambles! They've made jam already, and today, when Emm and I dropped in to bring cookies and borrow some maternity clothes, we decided to pick some more! Her two boys, and my little one, of course picked all the berries straight into their mouths, thoroughly destroying their clothes and covering their faces! Such a pity I didn't have my camera with me, it all looked so idyllic, Emm hasn't had the freedom to just roam around such a big area since we were at my parents'! The sun was on our backs and when we had enough berries, we picked a few cooking and eating apples to go with them. Kat's youngest started to get tired and cranky, so we headed back to the house to put him to bed, and I cooked the rest of us some sausage sandwiches.

When we got home Emm happily went to sleep, and I checked my mobile to discover to my embarassement that I'd totally forgotten about the window cleaner, for whom I was going to be home hours ago! He did my windows anyways, accidentally setting off the alarm, which called my mobile (unanswered in my handbag in the car), then P's mobile, who thankfully managed to switch it off remotely and then sent a neighbour around to check... How embarassing! I spent the rest of Emm's nap making phonecalls apologising to people, and the rest of the cookies went to support that cause...

Tomorrow will most likely be spent making something with the blackberries, maybe blackberry and apple jam? and something else with the last of the plums from our tree, i'm thinking german pflaumenkuchen! And I'll have to get the rooms ready for my mum and my aunt, there's some more tidying and bedmaking to do. And I'll have to try and spot and fix all the little things that i generally don't notice, like spiderwebs in the corners, the ironing basket, and dust behind the TV!

Visit from the cousins

Emm had a great day on Tuesday when her cousins came to visit. Danny will be 4 and Megs is 8, and they all got on like a house on fire! We went to the beach and had fun building castles, collecting shells and digging Megs into the sand, making a lovely mermaid tail for her. Emm demanded 'more water!' for her castle and her big cousin obliged, carrying bucket after bucket from the shore.


Afterwards we desanded the kids as much as possible and went for a little walk, aren't they cute together? I'm so glad Emm has cousins, we always loved hanging out with our cousins when we were kids.


Back home the kids were all put into the bath and we ordered Chinese. I thought I'd managed to pay for it after a long discussion, but the SIL and BIL hid money before they left the next day! What is it about (irish?) people not being able to let anybody else pay for anything? Why does it always have to be an argument, and even if you think you've won it, they trick you afterwards! It's the same in the pub, in the restaurant, in the shop... They wouldn't even let me make them sandwiches for their trip to the zoo the next day, even though I'd already bought the bread and ham and cheese... I mean, the food in the zoo is overpriced and manky, and there are long queues for everything! Back home people, especially family, would maybe say "oh, don't go to any trouble", and then "are you sure" and then gracefully accept! How many "no really I want to"s does it take in Ireland? Five? Ten? Maybe I'm not persistent enough? Let me go watch some "Father Ted" and learn from Mrs. Doyle... But I really don't like making such a big fuss, if I offer something I mean it!

home alone!

P took Emm with him to his parents in the Midlands and I am home alone! For the first time since she was born, which is over nineteen months! I was worried sick about the two of them on the road for 2 hours, even though P is a very careful driver. But they arrived safe and sound and I'm a lot calmer now. I was craving a weekend of doing nothing, but i couldn't help but sweep and mop, and tidy away the laundry and put on some more, and to mow and fertilise the lawn.

Then I cycled to the veg shop, yes, cycled, just got on my bike and went, no buggy, no wrestling with car seats and keys, and mainly, no toddler to lift and carry! So easy!

So far I'm really enjoying my little holiday, it's strange to have the house to myself, to do what I want, with no demands on me. I even had crisps with my ham sandwich for lunch, I never do that when Emm's around as it would be setting a bad example for her.

I'd say it'll be very lonely tonight, but for now I'm happy as a piggy in sh*t, especially as the house isn't a pig sty! Usually the first thing Emm does in the morning, is to get at least half of all her toys out and spread them out all over the house. Later she'll insist on eating her snack at her own little table and as soon as I look away she'll be sneaking out and I'll find banana squashed into the sofa, and she'll carry in compost and grass from the garden... but today I'll only have to clean up after myself!

Some of the things I might do over my quiet weekend is to...

  go for a swim, the tide should be in soon
  start the next sookie stackhouse  novel
  eat lots of fresh strawberries with greek yoghurt
  sleep in for as long as I like
  shower for as long as I like
  paint my toenails
  surf the web uninterrupted
  have a mid day nap

But by this time tomorrow I think I'll be waiting at the door for my husband and daughter to arrive back!

June! And the sun is shining, too!

I've managed to let all of  May go by without a post. I have excuses though, we went to Germany for my sister's wedding, which was brilliant, even if it was extremely cold. 7 degrees in the afternoon is not a lot for mid May! Emm was supposed to be a flower girl, but she decided she'd rather hold on to the basket and keep all the petals to herself...

Thankfully we got to fly to Germany, we were worried we might have to go by ferry and car on a murderous 24 hour trip trying to make it in time for the big day. On the way home however we got delayed for two days because of the ash cloud, we didn't mind to much though, we knew before we'd set off for the airport, P could work from my parents' house and Emm and I got to spend another day with the family. My dad's birthday will be next hopefully the volcano will stay quiet for that!

After Germany, we had a week at home, before Emm and I headed off to Switzerland, with my friend Deborah, to visit friends of ours in the Alsace and in Zurich. We had a great time, although Deborah might have had quite enough of toddlers and babies! Emm took a real shine to her and was babbling Debbie-Debbie-Debbie all day long. She even talked about her in her sleep! The lives of the two friends are so different. The girl in Alsace moved there because of her husband's job, and he picked a run down house in a tiny village for them to live. She didn't have much influence on the decisions as at the time she was just after giving birth to their second child, and having a horrible time with breastfeeding (mostly due to undiagnosed thrush and lack of support from her hospital/GP/nurse). She's now stuck there in a dark and dingy house, with no friends, with nobody to talk to all day with a very lively 4 year old and a baby! The other friend is happy as a flea, having decided to move to Zurich after separating from her husband, meeting her new partner there and  living  in a bright and modern apartment with their new baby.

Now we're back home, with a mountain of laundry to do, but the sun is shining and we're in and out of the garden, hanging the washing, swinging, playing with stones and herbs... Emm loves the herbs, she picks bits of oregano and thyme and chews on them. If she tries to put stones in her mouth I have to be strict though, I say no quite sternly, take the stone away and bring her into the house with me. Hopefully she'll learn soon and I can be a bit more relaxed outside with her!

I just hear another load of washing finishing, so I better head off, to my probably boring, but very enjoyable life!!

a perfect sunday afternoon

After an already great Saturday with cycling (with Emm and my friend Deb) and lunch (where P joined us), today turned out to be lovely too! I finally mowed the lawn (as the ground isn't like a sponge anymore, yay!), in the meantime Emm crawled around the rest of the garden, which resulted in her first set of clothes doing the rounds in the washing mashine by half twelve.

Then we headed out for a surprisingly good value lunch in 'Seasons', to the pound shop for a bucket and spade, and then to the beach, where Emm had an absolute ball, as did her parents. She was so content, she loved everything, the sand, the seaweed, all the stones and shells, paddling in one of the low tide puddles... She conked on the way home in the car and was transferred to her bed without even blinking an eyelid. Which gave us time to mess around in the garden a little more. In the evening we just picked up some pizzas, as we were all drunk on sunlight and fresh air.

We'll have to be good for the rest of the week and bring packed lunches and no more ordering out, the quota for eating out and lazy food is definitely used up already! Thankfully I have a stew ready to be finished tomorrow and fridge and pantry are stocked well.

Such a treat, a whole sunny weekend! My freckles have come out, my toenails are painted, I daresay, summer is here! Hopefully it'll be a good one for a change!

simple fun

I never thought babies like their play pens, but our Emm definitely does! She actually brings me over to it and points and says 'oggy', which means 'up', or 'down', depending on where she is! We then have some fun, pulling her around in the balls, and putting her upside down, while she giggles. When she's calmed down a little she starts to choose balls, one by one, and chuck them over the edge, saying 'o-oh!' (Giving me precious time to knit a few rows, or check my mail, or run up to the bathroom). After 10 or 15 minutes she usually has enough and I take her out and we throw all the balls back in.


Initially we had just 50 balls, with a little foldable ball pit (one of her many christmas presents), but they weren't even covering the floor, so I went to the toy shop and got a bag of a hundred! She's getting so much fun out of this, and there's no batteries, no recorded voices, just colourful spheres... And in summer, if we get any decent warm weather, we can put some into a paddling pool! Ok, maybe not, if the last few summers are anything to go by.

peaceful lunchbreak

as we are getting our attic converted m and i were escaping so she could have a sleep, not possible in the house, where the builders were making noise right above her head. i got myself a coffee, sandwich and cupcake (eek 10 quid! not going to be doing that every day!!), parked up at the sea side and listened to lyric fm while having my lunch. m slept for about an hour, then i wrapped her up warm and we went for a long walk, taking a break to have a cuddle and for her to have a feed. i still enjoy feeding her so much, but am getting more and more comments "you're STILL feeding her?" and "WHEN are you going to stop". Well it's national breastfeeding week here, this week, and while i didn't make it to a special coffee morning (apparently there was one in IKEA) i did nurse her on a bench, in the sun, overlooking the sea, and maybe somebody walked by and thought how happy the two of us looked, and considers breastfeeding their next baby, or encourages their wife to feed. only 55% of women in ireland attempt to breastfeed, but even this small number drops significantly as there is no sufficient support available, and family, partner and friends often aren't supportive, either... here a few links of organisations that are trying to change this and make it easier to have a good breastfeeding experience in ireland:

http://www.breastfeeding.ie/
http://friendsofbreastfeeding.wordpress.com/
http://www.lalecheleagueireland.com/
http://www.cuidiu-ict.ie/

and these are some great sites for general breastfeeding support

http://www.drjacknewman.com/
http://www.kellymom.com/

a weekend with friends

two friends from college came to visit this weekend, we had a great time! there was less going out and less hiking than during previous trips, and a lot of emm entertaining! everything is so much easier with two friends around, to entertain the baby and help with the dishes or cooking... i wonder would communal living be like that. i was surprised how i had time to finish a cup of coffee or eat my dinner while it was hot!
we went to skerries and carlingford for walks, and food, and emm came with us. i didn't take many pictures, but the girls got a few nice ones!


we went into dublin without emm, but i didn't enjoy it as much as i had thought i might. i missed her, and i just couldn't work up any enthusiasm for shopping, it just seemed quite unimportant! i used to love trawling around the shoe shops, and buying clothes and accessories. i never bought very much, or very high fashion stuff, but i used to like hunting for the perfect cardigan at a good price, checking out what's on offer and buying when i saw what fit the bill. on this occasion i just couldn't be bothered with the 'checking out what's on offer' part, i didn't really want to look at all the runners in all the shoe shops to see if there was a pair to replace my worn to bits and recently thrown out green golas. i'm actually wearing an even older pair of cheapo dunnes stores runners, and i don't mind at all! it must be part of the mother hormones...
i had been hoping to maybe go to the art gallery, but we never got around to that, with no train running we had to rely on the buses they put on, so we had to leave quite early. maybe i'll go in with emm, and visit the art gallery.
i find time runs so fast, and i still haven't any proper structure to my week, with scheduled outings or fun things, i go with the flow and it works to an extent, i get the important things done, but i fear i might fritter away my career break without making the most of it!!

my friend took this picture of the clothes line, another mother gave me lots of girls' clothes, and i did a red and pink wash, to make sure none of the rest of our clothes get died pink!



my friend's lovely scarf, i admired it greatly,

as she only just got it in her town, and she said the shop had loads more, she left it for me! what a nice gesture, now i have a souvenier of their visit!

baby going exploring

we went to the local soccer club's family fun day, a great way to enjoy the rare sunshine! my brave little baby went off exploring, without a look back! this is how far she got before she slowed down and then turned around...

my little girl

...is crawling (commando), and waving goodbye, and really playing with her toys... she's learning so much every day! she's so fast, you can't leave her alone for a minute, she'll be going straight for the sockets or a paper bag, or anything else she's not supposed to have... she giggles on the changing table if i blow raspberries on her belly, she shouts angrily if i take the remote control or my mobile phone off her, she loves other children and will 'chat' to them and smile at them!

she'll be 10 months old tomorrow! 10 months ago, around this time, i was retiring from a green thai curry dinner, allowing myself a half glass of red wine, and waiting for the water to heat up, for my warm bath! dreaming about meeting my baby. 10 months ago, i didn't even know if it was going to be a boy or a girl. although i'd had one beautiful dream, where i was holding my little girl's hand.

if i hadn't been approved for my career break i would be back in work on tuesday! i am so glad that i can stay at home, to spend time with emm, and watch her grow!

day out in muenster

P, M and I had a day out while we were in Germany, just the three of us, which was nice. We visited Muenster. Apart from a few showers to begin with, we even got good weather!

There was an organic market on the Domplatz, we bought a Waldmeister plant and chestnut honey for my mum, and had some yummie Bratwurst, and got some white peaches for M.

Muenster is very flat, so everybody cycles!

Emm had great fun in front of the mirror while her daddy was looking for new runners...

chickens

i saw these cute chickens in my aunts house, i want to make some!! they are very simple, i think, cotton, ribbon, rope and filling. love the photo, it's taken in the room my aunt keeps for her grandchildren, there's always been a huge assortment of playmobil in her house, and i'm glad to see it's still there! my granddad used to make willow baskets, i wonder did he make this one...

rain rain rain

it's too depressing to take pictures of, so here some photos from last week, when it was lovely and warm!

my nephew's cousin had this cool gadget for observing little critters

like this fat caterpillar!
you can't see it in this photo, but it's pretending to be a one eyed lizzard! no idea what it's called!



the older kids were delighted to get a ride on the combine harvester

i used the rain to do some sewing though, with fabric i got in IKEA (bedlinen).
A purl frog, I drew the pattern on an a4 sheet of paper (printer no work), I think he's quite similar to the original!
doesn't he look so at home in the rainsoaked greenery?

and a little turtle, from this book i think (i only brought the pattern, not the book!)


oh, i forgot to mention the most exciting and scary thing, I applied for a career break, and i got it!! 3 years off! I'm delighted to get the chance to spend so much time with my little one, i feel so privileged! we won't have much money to spare but i think we'll be OK, and time with the babe will be worth so much more than money ever could be!

I really should be sleeping... I better go to bed!

a 1st birthday party

my nephew turned one and we had a lovely afternoon in my SIL's beautiful garden! there were bubbles and games and toys and a paddling pool!

we had a champagne cocktail (made with this raspberry liqueur (with real raspberries in the bottle, i have to bring a bottle back to ireland!) and italian sparkling wine), after coffee and cakes and before a BBQ, the life, i tell you!




here some pictures of her garden!



these tables and chairs are really only for decoration, there is wooden garden furniture on the big patio off the living room, what luxury! there are advantages to country living...

love that little yellow bird house!

at home

It's strange being at home, it's hard settling in, with being a mother, but at the same time being my parents' daughter, fitting into their routine. I'm missing the husband, and of course Emm is missing her dada. It's strange being in my home country, in the lush country side, everything so green, I think it's greener than Ireland at the moment! I chose to live in Ireland, and not at home, for good reasons, but on a nice day, a leisurely day, it seems mad. There's such a strong network here, of neighbours and friends and family, I know it's partly why I moved away, I felt suffocated and fenced in, but at the same time, I miss it when I'm in Ireland.



Everything here seems so nice and well looked after, I missed several turns when driving around town, because many streets don't look like streets any more, no tarmac and sidewalks but everything paved or cobble locked, with flower beds and potted trees to calm traffic. I kept thinking it's somebody's driveway! But of course on a weekday I see the price that's payed for having everything picture perfect, an awful lot of work and money goes into keeping everything looking so tidy. I was talking to my brother about herbs I have in my garden. He asked
'Herbs? What for?'
'Cooking of course, it's much cheaper and fresher to grow them, rather than buy them'
'But all the sachets and jars already have herbs in them already!'
'Oh, do you use them often?'
'Yeah, of course, do you think we want to spend half an hour every day cooking, and chopping herbs and mixing it up ourselves?'
' - '
'We wouldn't have the time!'

I was really surprised. His wife is a stay at home mum of two little boys, and I thought she'd have lots of time. But that's the thing, healthy food, or 'slow food' is just not a priority for them. Food is made quickly and eaten quickly. It takes a lot of time to keep the house clean and super tidy, and the garden, too, and she does a lot of DIY home decorating projects. So different to us, we try to keep on top of the house, and do the projects that need doing, but we spend lots of time on cooking and eating, and we buy good quality unprocessed food wherever we can. And I'm glad we are able to live our lives that way, making time for meals and getting some time to ourselves rather than 'trying to keep up with the Joneses' when it comes to garden ornaments and polished windows.

Also, my family here hardly ever go out just the two of them, or my brother with just his family, all the leisure time goes on outings with 'the circle of friends' and the football club, and the neighbourhood, and the extended family (or getting the house ready to receive same). So much more couple and family time for P and me...

Being an expat is great in a way, I don't take anything for granted or feel I have to do something because 'it's the done thing', I always have the other perspective and can pick and choose from two cultures!